May 13 , 2021 The Beacon • 21

Emily Marrison

Columnist

There are plenty of expected transitions in in our lives . In fact , many of them are even anticipated , like graduating from school or getting married or retiring . We know life has ups and downs , but overall , we anticipate a smooth path .

But there are life transitions that are not expected . These include unexpected loss ( job loss , loss due to violence , loss of a child or other young family member ), illness or health problems , accidents , war , or natural disaster . And we could add global pandemic to that list as well .

There is much research about healthy coping during these “ non-normative ” or unanticipated life transitions . If you find yourself encountering a transition , here are some suggestions you may want to consider . Avoid toxic positivity Have you ever referred to someone as a Pollyanna ? The term comes from the main character of the centuryold novel who found the good in everything . The modern-day equivalent is the phrase “ toxic positivity .”

My OSU Extension colleague , Patrice Powers-Barker , recently shared that while the label Pollyanna is not necessarily used as a compliment , there are benefits of positive thinking . Research shows positive people have better physical well-being and an increased lifespan . Positive people have better coping skills during times of stress .

The danger comes when people insist on only allowing positivity . Stephanie Preston , University of Michigan Ann Arbor psychologist , said toxic positivity is “ when people are forced to seem or be positive in situations where it ’ s not natural ” or people don ’ t acknowledge or “ deal with the fact that there is distress or need .” One way to balance this and put it into perspective is with the next exercise .

Acknowledge the good and the bad

One exercise you can practice is the “ Rose , Thorn , Bud ” activity .

List a positive thing in your life , a negative thing and something you are looking forward to . Research has shown benefits of practicing gratitude , naming life challenges and the value of looking forward to something . Giving thanks can make you happier . Naming negative emotions is one way to make them more manageable . Looking forward to an event can bring happiness , especially in the time leading up to it . This can be a great exercise to do together as a family , especially around the dinner table . Plan ahead People have been hesitant to make plans in the last year for fear they would not be able to follow through . But there are plenty of things we can do to look forward to the future . Planning ahead is considered proactive coping because we are taking steps to modify or avoid a stressful event before it happens . Even the practice of meal planning and preparation for the next week is a healthy way to plan . Also , the anticipation of the activity brings us pleasure , so don ’ t be afraid to make plans for a vacation or visit to family in the near future . Be in the moment It may seem contradictory to say both plan ahead and be in the moment . But there is certainly a way to balance and practice both . Author Chris Bergstrom described the value of the short practice of using your senses to notice

what is around you . Simply take a few minutes to notice three things you see , three things you hear and three things you feel . When you tune in to your senses , you are effectively living in the now , and you give your busy brain a much-needed break . Your brain focuses on whatever you experience with your senses instead of mulling over worries and to-do lists .

We all go through life transitions we are not anticipating . My hope is these suggestions can provide healthy ways to cope with these unexpected changes individually and with our families .

Emily Marrison is an OSU Extension family and consumer sciences educator and may be called at 740-622-2265 .

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