HEAD OF MEXICAN CARTEL
ESCAPES PRISON, INSPIRED BY ED3
By Juan Beltran
HMTV investigations was
recently contacted by an
individual claiming to be a
spokesperson for Joaquin
“El Chapo” Guzman and
was told by the spokesperson that called himself
“El Moco”, Guzman had to
“leave college” to ensure the
Sinaloa Cartel remains at
the top of criminal organizations.
“That ED3 has become
untouchable,” said El Moco.
“El jefe (speaking of Guzman) was very impressed
they were able to run off the
solar industry to the little
city in the desert that has
the most sunshine days on
the planet. Si, very impressed.”
Recently, ED3 raised the
fixed cost recovery charge
from 70 cents a kilowatt to
$3 a kilowatt, and will only
allow 30 permits a month
from now until eternity, or
when it decides it wants to
make more money.
Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman
“Even though solar is supplying energy to ED3, you
would think in time it could
lower costs for their customers since they don’t have
to purchase it from somewhere else, pero ED3 is so
gangsta they raised rates
for everyone! Si, very, very
impressive,” said El Moco.
Anonymous photo sent to HMTV
BIGFOOT SUSPECTED OF HIDING
IN GILA RIVER INDIAN COMMUNITY
Most know him as Bigfoot, the most elusive giant furry
humanlike creature that has somehow avoided capture both
physically and through photograph. Scientifically, he has
been called a Yeti, or Sasquatch, both of which sound indigenous. A recent photograph in the Gila River Indian Com“And no one has the cojones munity has resurfaced on the Internet that shows Bigfoot
to do anything about it,” he may have moved to Arizona for the dry heat, rather than deal
added. “With competition
with the frozen forests of North America, or the bone chilling
like that, you see why El Jefe conditions of the Himalaya mountain range where he was
had to leave college.”
suspected of learning to be a Buddhist with the Dalai Lama.
“He appears to be on a spiritual journey,” said one resident.
“And he probably stays on the Reservation because he knows
outsiders are not allowed to just waltz in and take pictures
without permission from the tribe.”
23