“ We had a case with a little girl who thought she had caused her dad ’ s heart attack because she had used his toothbrush earlier that day . You just never know what kids will put together in their minds .”
and prognosis . We educate adults about how children may respond to grief and how they can support their child .
We might also meet directly with the kids to engage in activities that help children understand the situation and what they can expect . To a bystander , it might look like we ’ re just playing , but we are using games , activities and books to engage these children in conversations about really difficult things , like what hospice care means or what cremation is .
We can also offer shortterm bereavement support for kids following the death of a loved one , such as preparing them to attend the funeral . If they need more longterm support , then we can help connect them with a counselor in the community .”
How do you support parents who are having these discussions with their kids ? “ Our first instinct is to protect children , but kids are very perceptive and often try to fill in the blanks on their own . For example , we had a case with a little girl who thought she had caused her dad ’ s heart attack because she had used his toothbrush earlier that day . You just
— Jennifer Willie , Palliative Care Child Life Specialist
never know what kids will put together in their minds . Our number one recommendation is to be truthful in a way that ’ s appropriate for the child ’ s age and developmental level .
The second is to address the three biggest worries that kids don ’ t often say out loud : Can I catch it ? Did I do something that caused this to happen ? And who will fill that role in my life if my loved one dies ?
Thirdly , we recommend using the “ D ” words : die and dying . Young children take things literally . If you say ‘ we lost grandma ,’ they might relate it to a toy they lost . Or , if you say grandma passed away , they might not have a clue what that means .”
See how Child Life specialists helped Jack understand his mom ’ s cancer diagnosis .
What kind of activities do you do with children ?
“ Some children may benefit from what we call connection activities — creating something tangible like a bracelet that they can leave with their loved one in the hospital that might help them feel connected when they can ’ t be at the bedside . We also use developmentally appropriate books to help children connect with a character experiencing similar circumstances , to promote conversation and validate feelings they may be having .”
How do you tailor your support for children of different ages ?
“ A five-year-old , for instance , has a much shorter attention span , so we strive to find something really engaging for them and be very intentional about the time we have with them .
A 10-year-old is much more aware of their peers and may be worried about crying at school , or they might be concerned about something happening to their loved one while they ’ re at school . In that case , we might help work out a plan of support for school settings .
It ’ s a similar strategy for teenagers . We can serve as someone outside the situation they can talk to and ask questions easily because they don ’ t have to be sensitive to our emotions .”
Why is philanthropy important to this program ?
“ Our program relies heavily on gifts from our community . We depend on donors to help us provide these services , which are offered at no cost to the patient . It ’ s truly a gift to families in a really difficult time .”
Give the gift of peace of mind to children and their families
To learn how you can help us continue to provide these services , please contact your local gift officer , or visit us at CTXFoundation . BSWHealth . org / PCCLDonate
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THE COMPASS / FALL 2023