97 |
||||
|
I have an on-again , off-again relationship with depression and anxiety , and in the fall of 2020 , I observed myself growing unwell . I was easily angered and frightened . Easily confused . I could not walk away from difficult conversations after they concluded but would sit up at night replaying them over and over . I was debilitated by the fear that my church was dying on my watch and that I was failing God and the people I loved . I was stuck .
Then I officiated another Zoom memorial service for a pastor who killed himself . A few days before the service , I met with the family to learn about their loved one . They told beautiful stories about his sense of humor , wit , and kind heart . They also shared their pain at how his illness hurt them as he grew sicker .
It was like looking into a mirror . I saw myself in that deceased pastor , and my blood ran cold . I could see where the road I walked led for me and for my family if I did not get help .
That afternoon I called my executive committee chair and asked for two weeks away . She agreed without hesitation .
The next Monday I told my clergy group my plan . Their support was extravagant as they helped me shape a step-by-step plan for my time away . As veteran pastors , they encouraged me to ask for four weeks away instead of only two . Many were in my shoes once upon a time , and they assured me I would need every day of the four weeks .
My clergy group offered to give me money to go to a retreat center if I could not
|
afford it , preach and perform funerals for me , and they even volunteered to speak with my executive committee on my behalf about the extra time away they wanted for me .
My executive committee did not falter when I asked for the full four weeks , and they gifted it without an ounce of bitterness . With only a few exceptions , my congregation also was overwhelmingly supportive of my decision to step away .
THEY MAY HAVE SAVED MY LIFE .
I was depressed , not suicidal , but I saw that if I waited to take action until I was suicidal , then it might be too late .
Ministers : If you need help , please do not let people who are sick themselves dissuade you from getting healthy . There is no action you can take that is too extreme , because your life is on the line – even if you do not see it . Just last week I learned of yet another clergy person who took their own life .
You drew on deep reserves to carry you through the last year . Do not assume that because the pandemic is easier to manage today that your mental health will automatically get better also . It might . It might not . It might even get worse . I know several ministers who are experiencing just this , and it is perfectly normal . The deep reserves that carried you this far may be empty , and it is time to fill yourself up again .
Congregants : I was encouraged this year to learn of churches practicing grace and mercy with their ministers . How we treat
|
our ministers could be the difference between life and death . We will be held accountable for how we treat our ministers .
They are not gods . They are just people under immense pressure . How we treat people when they are vulnerable tells us everything we need to know about our true Christian beliefs .
Church committees : Not every pastor can be honest with their church without being punished for it . I have heard horror stories this year too . Even if your pastors say they are fine , that does not mean they are . Assume they are struggling , and find ways to support them . These suggestions are still relevant today . At worst , you will have been too gracious , and that is no sin .
As the pandemic grows easier to manage , the pressure on pastors will not go away . They will need your support now more than ever . Remember the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19 . It was after the struggle , when things returned to normal , that he was depressed and longed for death .
Author Jakob Topper serves as
pastor of NorthHaven Baptist
Church in Norman , Oklahoma .
He can be reached at
|
TCN TCN PROFESSIONAL JOURNAL SUMMER FALL 2021
|