I was told at 16 that I would probably never birth children of my own , yet at 25 we announced our beautiful healthy boy had been born , I became known as Mumma . At 27 we birthed our second son and he called me “ uh … - oh ....”, indicative of his hilarious humour and impulsivity .
“ Carers are selfless , and patient , and calm in the eye of the storm .. aren ’ t they ?“
Our sons gave me the gift of being a mum , no-one called me ‘ carer ’. I was lucky enough to be a stay-athome mum for their first 8 years . In that time , they were both diagnosed with Autism and ADHD ( and a string of other acronyms ) . We had our many hurdles but they still called me mum – not ‘ carer ’. Carers are selfless , and patient , and calm in the eye of a storm – aren ’ t they ? That ’ s not me . Some days I can play pretend and act like I have a good grip on our life but mostly
I feel like I ’ m flailing in shallow waters just trying to make it to bedtime . I went back to university and I got a job - two in fact . I juggled allied health appointments around work , and studied when I found the time . I felt like one of those mums who could do it all … until … Our seven-year-old became frightfully ill with not one but two eating disorders … All of a sudden , I became the lunatic mum that no health professional wants to deal with in their shift , literally fighting for my son ’ s qualify of life . He was too sick to attend school , I left my employment and placed my studies on hold . I blinked … Instead of the additional needs mum , I became the medical mum . Long hospital nights , nasogastric feeds and form filling but still no one called me carer . This is what mums do right ? Don ’ t we always do what ’ s necessary ? Do we get to choose ? Would we choose ? The shift … In uncharted territory I sought the experts , I admitted defeat … was it defeat though ? No , it was a shift , from believing I had to do it all because I am mum , to accepting that there ’ s a village out there with life experience . All I had to do was talk , and when someone offered to do a referral or application on our behalf , my answer would be yes . I don ’ t forego my right to be called mum because I am a carer … first and foremost I am mum but I have learnt that there is a world out there waiting to acknowledge all the hard work you do each day to raise your children . They see you , you ’ re not alone , and they ’ re here to help you – parent / additional needs parent / medical parent / carer – whatever you identify with , if the offer of help is there just say yes ( even when your pride is screaming no , say yes ). - Lauren Brown
Issue 02 2023 | 11