My husband Clive was diagnosed with Alzheimers just as COVID hit in 2020 . Our once happy , peaceful lifestyle was now different . Soon , his loving , gentle nature would change . As confusion set in , he became suspicious , or non-cooperative , or angry . Other days , he was back to his former self . Over time , some days felt like a battle ground . Waking up each morning I ’ d wonder what the day would bring . My own confusion and anxiety took over my life . I dreaded the mornings that I tried to dress a 6ft tall man when he got angry and resisted my help . Coaxing and persuasion would work one day , but not the next . A serious situation arose one day , and I was desperate for a miracle . Soon after , salvation came when I opened up my emails to find Carer Gateway had a zoom class on Difficult Decisions with Mary O ’ Mara . I read and reread the information . Luckily , I could book into the sessions . Through Mary ’ s gentle guidance I found some answers . Thank You Mary ! At first , I had misgivings , about the decision I had made . I felt so vulnerable , my emotions were on a roller-coaster . I consulted with family and got their support . We all agreed there was no other option . Clive has been in full-time care now for a little over two months . At first , I felt so much guilt . Why was it him and not me ? Had he gone into care too soon ? I became angry that we never got to spend more time together ( I still feel cheated ). And then , Where to now ? What is my purpose in life ? So miserable and depressed , I knew I had to do something about how I felt . I just wanted my life back . I started doing Yoga again . I read self-help books , books on meditation and relaxation ; I searched the Internet .
I am now spending three or more hours each night listening to meditation and relaxation CDs . I rejoined our community garden , and I ’ m now socialising more with friends . I am feeling better as time passes . There is a light at the end of the tunnel – no one has switched it off yet . - Iris Hunter-Conlan
Issue 02 2023 | 9