The Conversation at 3am with My Mother Who
Does Not Love Me
Shania Daley
My mother lives in England. She is 6 hours ahead.
She messages me asking why I am awake.
I told her I couldn’t sleep at nights.
She says she has the same problem.
I know it is not the same problem.
I also know that to have a kind word from the lips of the woman who gave birth
to me is a blessing.
So I agree, yes it is the same problem mom.
While you cannot sleep because of a war in your body brought on by age,
I cannot sleep because my heart and mind are in shambles and I do not know
who I am.
I am taking psychology in college to self-diagnose and eventually self-medicate
myself.
I know I am trying to be a better person but this never works.
I am rambling again.
This is why all my lovers leave. I ramble too much.
But yeah mom, I’m tired all the time in the mornings too.
She means she yawns and falls asleep at work,
But I mean I rip myself from out of my skin and curse my existence, daily.
But yeah mom, I know how you feel,
Get some rest soon,
I’m going to bed too.
Yes I know you love me,
Yes, goodnight.
She told me not to take sleeping pills.
“You don’t want to get used to taking pills”
But mom we both know pills don’t work on me.
The pills you took so I wouldn’t be born sure as god didn’t work,
And the handfuls i swallowed after I told you your brother raped me and you
didn’t believe didn’t work either.
So hey. What are a few sleeping pills anyway?
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TCW