COMMUNITY
Looking back , Dawn realizes , “ I had never walked into any space where I felt unwelcome because of the color of my skin , so I had to come up to baseline in my education and awareness .”
By the time she joined Dawn ’ s firm as an associate , Kristen was seasoned at feeling unwelcome in white spaces . She guarded against racism , microaggression , and misunderstanding by showing only the part of herself that seemed acceptable to white people , then debriefed with Black friends and family . This double life , traumatic in itself , was harder to maintain in a small firm with a family culture . Because Dawn rejects the notion of colorblindness ( as a white excuse to avoid discussing race ), she hoped to create a safe working space for Kristen . To do so , Dawn began initiating more personal conversations with Kristen , revealing her own vulnerabilities while keeping a weather eye out for how racism might affect their practice relationship . One day , communication about a difficult case broke down , with Kristen on guard and Dawn pushing high expectations . Says Dawn , “ I usually assume race has something to do with everything , but I don ’ t always say it .” While Kristen assumes the same , she was conditioned not to bring up race because when she did in other settings , she was labeled difficult or incompetent , resulting in more isolation and insecurity . But that day , Dawn asked , “ Do you think race has anything to do with what we are experiencing right now ?” Since a small threshold of safe communication had been established , Kristen replied , “ Yes , of course I do ,” helping solve the problem at hand and setting the stage for deeper communication about race .
While the pair laugh that they don ’ t come to the office every day and deconstruct racism , Kristen says , “ Racism is always there , whether we discuss it or not . But our culture as partners has shifted because we have built a relationship .” Family law may lend itself to relationshipbuilding across race because , as Dawn says , “ We deal with people in messes . Messes don ’ t scare us . We aren ’ t frightened that we might make a mess of things between us — we believe we can clean it up .” They acknowledge that relationship-building is time consuming , but they are motivated to spend the time because “ fake is not fulfilling .”
To move from superficial to successful racial dialogue requires recalibrating one ’ s own expectations and behaviors . Each partner assumes a measure of good faith on the other ’ s part , the first step to establishing trust . After that , there are no hard and fast rules of engagement , but they have learned some lessons . Aware of the dynamics of race and power , Dawn first asks Kristen ’ s permission to broach racially sensitive subjects and checks in afterwards to see if Kristen felt uncomfortable or needs further discussion or apology . She recognizes Kristen ’ s traumatic load is “ like an ocean , and world events cause it to ebb and flow ” so sometimes , no matter how necessary it feels , they cannot discuss race . Says Dawn , “ I have to be attuned and not charge in with my white need to process my outrage about systemic racism .”
Indeed , cross-race dialogue initiated by well-intentioned white people trying to understand or empathize with Black colleagues often falls flat because they assume Black people share their feelings of anger or surprise about racial injustice . Even if that is true , Kristen explains , “ I shouldn ’ t be required to live the experience of racism while comforting a white colleague ” who feels shock and outrage about it . A fast-growing body of literature supports whites studying and processing their feelings about systemic racism and white privilege among themselves to develop awareness of systems of oppression and white contribution to those systems . 1 Still , even self-aware whites sometimes get stuck in guilt and shame , again unproductive and even offensive to process with Black people . By example , Dawn and Kristen ask , “ Would you tell a wheelchair user that you are shocked by a counter height ? That you feel bad you never noticed this before ? That you have read books about using wheelchairs and you really get it ? That you are angry on behalf of all wheelchair users ?”
So Dawn manages her boundaries and feelings about systemic racism out of respect for Kristen ’ s experiences and feelings as a Black person in majority white spaces . Kristen also has feelings to manage . She describes living with racism as a constant “ hum ”— the background noise of oppression , which generates feelings of erasure and performance insecurity . Processing those feelings is exhausting . She values their safe relationship , in which Dawn asks questions , listens , and actively supports her needs , and she appreciates Dawn challenging white spaces . To do that , Dawn has worked to get beyond baseline reading and self-reflection to active anti-racism , such as strategizing with Kristen about success for Black lawyers .
As one of only five percent of lawyers in the United States , 2 a young Black lawyer may feel pressure to be exceptional because she is conscious of representing the whole Black community and creating opportunities for those who follow . She may be reluctant to ask for help , as Kristen has been , since such requests have historically been seen through a lens of unconscious bias or overt racism and interpreted as incompetence . If a white lawyer understands and admits his own unconscious racism , he might instead see a new lawyer in need of mentoring . A white lawyer can move Diversity , Equity , and Inclusion Committee discussions into active promotion of opportunities for Black lawyers . For example , white lawyers can speak up when a professional committee does not include Black or other minority lawyers . They can recruit minority leadership , speakers , and presenters , and carefully consider venues for events . Kristen feels encouraged to participate in the legal community when Dawn readies those places beyond tokenism . Creating a seat at the table where a Black lawyer will have more visibility , information , and power requires that white people share the advantages of white privilege . Power sharing does not come easily to anyone , but Dawn and Kristen remain optimistic and purposeful .
Understanding the racial dialogue this duo cultivates , we see why they devoted Episode 8 to “ Anti-Racism and the Trauma of White
26 October / November 2020