COMMUNITY
Messes and Safety - One Partnership Talks About Race
" Racism is always there , whether we discuss it or not . But our culture as partners has shifted because we have built a relationship [...] We deal with people in messes . Messes don ’ t scare us . We aren ’ t frightened that we might make a mess of things between us — we believe we can clean it up ."
SYDNEY CLELAND Chief of Staff to Representative Mary Margaret Oliver of Georgia House District 82 sydney . cleland @ gmail . com
“ You nappy headed bitch ,” spat the opposing party to family lawyer Kristen Files after court recently . Kristen ’ s natural hairstyle was the target of the cruel racist trope . Fortunately , Kristen long ago affirmed her own and her daughter ’ s beauty by Black , rather than white , standards . Still , the incident illustrates Kristen ’ s personal experiences and our national history of racism . Kristen reflects on this incident in an episode of the podcast , “ Untying the Knots ,” hosted by Kristen with her law partner , Dawn Smith . The ten episodes since April address the legal dissolution of families , including co-parenting , intimate partner violence , financial safety , and blended families .
Why is Kristen ’ s story part of this family law podcast ? Because the partners acknowledge the impact of race on their work with families , their relationship , and their activities as lawyers . In Episode 8 , we hear a real conversation about race without jokey exchanges about hair , skin tone , and cultural differences . They don ’ t pretend to have all the answers or to speak for anyone other than themselves , but they model one path for racial dialogue in a professional setting . We sat down to discover more about how they forged this relationship and why they chose to discuss it publicly . Drawn together at their first meeting five years ago , these women have much in common . Both grew up in the Deep South — Dawn in North Carolina and Kristen in Alabama . Both have parents whose marriages dissolved . Both are co-parenting with ex-partners . Both are first in their families to go to law school . But their differences begin with race . At her majority white private school in Birmingham , Kristen became fluent in the challenges of immersion in white culture , from white beauty products to preferred foods and television shows . But , she says , “ While I was conditioned to see the white side of things , white people I came into contact with knew none of that about me . I was invisible .” Dawn confirms Kristen ’ s experience , noting her own lack of exposure to Black authors , scientists , history , professionals , or friends until young adulthood .
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24 October / November 2020