110 The Art of Accompaniment
accompaniment. Nevertheless, those accompanied must still prayerfully
discern their own goals that could be helped by the relationship of accom-
paniment. Additionally, even assigned pairs of mentors and those accompa-
nied must intentionally engage in their relationship, taking special care to
build familiarity, trust, and understanding among one another.
Though informal accompaniment does not require an explicit estab-
lishment of a relationship, it does require an element of intentional engage-
ment. Even in a spontaneous moment when someone looks to them for
accompaniment, mentors or those who accompany must remember their
responsibility to listen, respect, and guide towards holiness those who come
to them seeking guidance.
Informal accompaniment may also benefit from an openness to further
dialogue. In other words, though informal accompaniment is mostly mea-
sured in moments or periodic encounters, mentors or those who accompany
might offer to continue to support and guide those seeking accompaniment
through a formal, or at least more regular, relationship in the future.
Building the Relationship
Mentors must be intentional about building a strong relationship with
those accompanied in order to cultivate fruitful accompaniment. This in-
volves investing time, prayer, and patience in those accompanied. Although
the list below is not exhaustive, it does name priorities that must be consid-
ered when mentors begin a new relationship.
Getting to Know One Another
For mentors to accompany effectively, they must become familiar with
those they seek to accompany. This takes the form of learning the stories,
experiences, dreams, and challenges of those they accompany. Becom-
ing familiar with the one accompanied is an ongoing task that continues
throughout the relationship. It requires patience, vulnerability, listening,
and respect.
An important aspect of getting to know the one that they accompa-
ny is mentors making those accompanied feel known. This “knownness”
is a fruit of paying attention to details. Not only should mentors know the
dreams, hopes, and aspirations of those they accompany, but they should