Working With Arab American
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within a couple is socially accepted , and LCMHCs would do well to keep in mind the possibility of previous spousal abuse that may have occurred within either family or at the community level .
Problems With Marrying Ouside the Family ’ s Culture or Religion
Another source of increased stress for an Arab American couple occurs if either partner has married or wants to marry outside their culture or religion . Marrying outside of Arab American culture is not always welcomed , and it is especially looked down on when an individual marries outside of their religion , e . g ., marriages between a Muslim and a Christian . Such marriages are not only uncommon but considered disgraceful .
Arab American couples who marry outside their religion are at risk of being abandoned by their family and community . In addition , when the members of an Arab American couple do not share the same religious faith , that difference may drive a wedge between the couple , particularly on issues pertaining to education , employment , and children . Naturally , such couples should be encouraged to discuss clearly their goals , wants , needs , and commitments , as well as to recognize the ways that their cultural , religious , or traditional differences might affect their relationship .
Problems With Gender Roles
Arab American culture is extremely patriarchal , so it is not uncommon to have a relationship in which the husband or male partner is not only the decision-maker but the enforcer of the family rules as well . Men who do not display sufficient control over their female partners are seen as lacking dignity and respect .
Within Arab cultures , once a couple is married , they are expected to have children . Having children is considered extremely symbolic ; when a couple either has children or is known to be trying to have a child , the marriage is deemed legitimate and successful . Conversely , infertility is interpreted as a sign of a failed marriage .
Problems With Infidelity
Arab American women are brought up knowing that they are expected to marry — and by what age . If they miss this “ expiration date ” and are neither married nor have children , how does this affect their lives within their family and their community ? A couple that comes from different cultural and / or religious backgrounds might experience similar stress or discord if the couple cannot agree on decisions related to children or employment . The job of an LCMHC who treats such couples is to understand and , critically , to validate the emotions experienced by both the couple and the individuals .
Among Arab Americans , sex is not openly discussed , especially within a household . One fallout of the silence around sex and the lack of sexual education and knowledge about sexual health within the Arab community is that sex-related problems don ’ t always heal when ignored , or when misperceptions between a couple are not resolved .
When a couple ’ s relationship is in distress or failing , some partners whose needs are not being met in their relationship commit adultery to try to meet their needs elsewhere . Though LCMHCs are understanding and knowledgeable about how to deal with couples who experience infidelity in their relationships , working with Arab American couples may require a different approach , or at least a different understanding .
Arab Americans tend to view infidelity as a religiously sinful act . In some cases where infidelity is one of the problems that an Arab American couple is dealing with , the partner who has been unfaithful may be troubled by feeling guilty , and the other partner may experience feelings of betrayal . LCMHCs working with Arab American couples must consider the belief system that the couple follows and how that may affect their relationship after infidelity is presented .
For example , looking through the traditionally patriarchal lens that Arab culture values , the husband may view his adultery as his right because his wife was not fulfilling her “ wifely ” duties by having sex with him . The husband may not see what he did as wrong , but the wife may still experience feelings of betrayal . The wife ’ s feelings of betrayal are seen in her marriage and in their shared religion . Helping the couple process what happened and make sense of it sets the stage for the LCMHC to be able to discover whether both individuals in the couple want to rebuild their relationship , end it , or reshape it to meet other needs .
continued on page 22 The Advocate Magazine Fall 2021 American Mental Health Counselors Association ( AMHCA ) www . amhca . org
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