Make Your Relationship
By Georgia Smith-Lyle , MA , LPC-S
In the March 2018 issue of Living Well Magazine , communicating effectively was the topic in Part 1 of Make Your Relationship Healthy . Communicating effectively sets the stage for trust and validates each other , enriching deeper connection . It is the foundational tool for a healthy relationship .
The focus of Part 2 is the basic needs and wants of a woman and how she thinks . I love watching the face of a man change during a couples counseling session when understanding of how “ she thinks , and what she needs and wants ” becomes as clear as the sky is blue ! At the core of a woman ’ s heart she wants to know she is beautiful and adored , understood and valuable , safe and secure . Before I specifically discuss each of these basic needs , knowing how a woman thinks and processes is insightful .
How she thinks and processes : Women can carry on a full conversation starting with one point , finish that specific point , change to another subject and in the trail of conversation bring the initial topic up again . Men usually think the topic has already been discussed and resolved . If a woman does not have complete closure , she can hold the topic in her mind and easily bring it up again . The mind of a woman also has “ pop ups .” Pop-ups are those thoughts that seem to appear or pop-up in the middle of a conversation . That ’ s why she can change the subject in mid-stream while talking about another subject . This is the way a woman ’ s mind was created . She can multitask even in her thinking quite easily . She seems to think more like a spaghetti strand as opposed to very linear like a waffle with boundaries ( men think like a waffle which I ’ ll talk about in a future article ). Nurturing is her basic nature and in order to nurture others well , her thoughts are often in many directions when caring for others . This explains why she is able to have a multitask way of processing her thoughts .
Healthy : Part 2
Is she beautiful and adored ?: Most women , no matter how confident or how beautiful , always want the reassurance they are still beautiful and adored by their admirer . This is not because of insecurity - it is simply a need . It is the way she is created . A wise man will continue to reassure his loved one consistently of the way he sees her … beautiful ! One way to reassure her of your adoration is to “ always pursue her .” Many men stop pursuing once they marry the treasure they have found . Women don ’ t seem to understand when pursuing stops and it sends the message they are not adored as before . Men , continue the pursuing and the affirmation of your adoration for her . It will make her feel beautiful and adored .
Is she understood and valuable ?: When a woman is discussing something , she wants to know you understand her thoughts and feelings . There may be a problem to solve which she is trying to find the solution to . Unless she asks for a solution , then all she needs is understanding . Men are problem solvers and they want to solve any problem . But sometimes they just need to be a good listener and understand . A woman also needs to know her thoughts and ideas are important , as well as her life purpose whatever it may be . Uplifting and validating her worth as a person , and what she accomplishes makes her feel valuable .
Is she safe and secure ?: Emotional security is highly important to a woman . Some women count emotional security as more important than financial security . Spending quality time with her and fostering emotional security and connection is fundamental for her . She feels safe when she knows you have her back and will help her in any situation as much as you possibly can . Feeling safe for her also means she can express her deepest fears , insecurities and thoughts and yet be understood and validated .
I hope you have enjoyed learning a little about the needs and wants of a woman and the way she thinks . This is of course not all inclusive and does not fit every woman . However , it does apply to the majority and is a good place to start for healthy relationships .
Georgia Smith-Lyle , MA , LPC-S is in private practice as a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Texas providing counseling for children , adolescents , adults , marriage and family . She has authored two books and a public speaker . Georgia may be reached at 469-855-0256 or via email gpsmith7 @ aol . com . www . couselingbygeorgia . com .
40 TEXOMA AREA Living Well Magazine | MAY / JUNE 2018