The E-mails of Bernard‘o’
‘Bernardo’ is a British ex-pat in his sixties living in Bali. Occasionally one can find him
standing in the middle of a street in khaki shorts, dark sunglasses, and fedora, lipping
Bahasa Indonesia to shop keepers and tourists as if it was one of the romantic
languages of the world, drunk yet eloquently sharp and somehow brilliant. He lives on a
quieter street and doesn’t do much before 11 am. We had a couple nights of rowdy
intellectualism and artful drinking. But, like most ex-pats living alone extensively in Bali,
Bernardo went a little mad, and his behavior, which went from passive-aggressive
mentor shifted to comparative freak-out. I don’t try to understand the madness of overfed weirdoes: they choose their plight.
Below is his response after suspecting I was gay without actual justification and after
reading a piece I wrote for a local Balinese print that was later published with Australian
Natural Health, called Tao of Eating and Exercise, where I combined dietary and fitness
knowledge with Taoist principles. The version I sent to him was admittedly thick with
Taoist-type paradox and needed revision.
Here we go…
(A starry night in ex-pat Bali: a new concrete island paradise. Please imagine bilious
beer, a smoky ribboned haze, the reassurance of BBC News, two swallowed
pharmaceuticals, and everything else meticulously placed in the queer aim of edited
life: a final request for perfection. We find the retired journalist wearing sunglasses and a
straw hat at home, by himself. He is sitting at his desk, typing in a fit of new-age
mentorship perhaps, and counseling an aspirant who gropes in the incessant
professional dark—silently repeating to himself the comforting lessons of sages for none
and all.)