COLU M N
Business
Buzz
with Harry Pearson
A masterclass in going solo
It’s something all of us might
experience in the next few months –
and we’ve got just the man to tell us
exactly what to expect…
S
elf-isolation? Welcome to my world. As a
freelance writer I have been social distancing
for years. Sometimes I go for days without
seeing anyone. Indeed, even when I do see
someone, they often run away yelling something
like, “Watch out, it’s that bloke who wears slippers
all the time and talks to himself.” Though the funny
thing is, when I look round, I can’t see him anywhere.
Has this solo working life done me any harm?
Absolutely not. I remain the same sane person as
I was when I embarked on this path 32 years ago.
And I said as much to the toaster only this morning.
The toaster didn’t answer, obviously. Still not talking
to me because I fused him trying to warm-up a
frozen hot cross bun. That was ten months back,
but as you’ll likely discover over the next little while,
nothing holds a grudge like a kitchen appliance. The
kettle once went a year and a half without uttering a
word. Don’t get me started on coffee grinders.
People often ask me what you need to work from
home. I reply that you need an immense reserve
of self-discipline and an even greater reserve of
biscuits. The biscuits should ideally be placed the
furthest distance possible from your desk or work
station. I keep mine in the loft. This way whenever I
have one I not only get a snack, I also get valuable
exercise.
Of course, you shouldn’t just randomly go and
help yourself to a biscuit whenever you feel like it.
No, the biscuit must be a reward for the completion
of a task. I like to give myself one whenever I finish a
paragraph like this one.
This one.
Or this one.
Is it time for lunch yet?
Oh. Right. 11.15am is too early for lunch, apparently.
Working from home means being your own boss.
That can be tricky at times. Like any manager, you
have to get on with your staff, yet at the same time
keep a distance from them. This can be hard when
your only member of staff is yourself. Especially if
You’ll need plenty of these,
and somewhere inconvenient
to stash them.
he keeps bitching on about you behind your back
just because you won’t let him have lunch at 11.15am.
Hey, we’re not in France, pal!
But the biggest piece of advice I can give you
about working from home on your own is this:
Whatever you do, don’t have an office party. I
know there will be times when it feels like a good
idea. When the boss half of you says, “This will be
a chance for us all to let our hair down and bond.”
And the worker half says, “It’s about time he/she
gave us some free drinks, we’ve been carrying him/
her for months.” But it never works out well, believe
me.
I learned this the hard way back when I was
working from home in London. I organised the party,
last day of the month, as “a bit of a laugh”. However,
longstanding tensions quickly bubbled over, despite
the fact I was the only guest.
I had several glasses of wine and was dancing
to Toploader in a novelty jumper I’d bought for the
occasion when suddenly I started having a go at
myself about the amount of time I was spending
making coffee “when the cricket was on the radio”.
With drink inside me I regret to say words were
spoken, voices were raised, there was a tussle and
the next thing I knew I was on the floor covered in
spicy salsa dip.
Ah! Time for another biscuit. You see, it’s not all
bad.
Look after yourselves.
The voice of business in the Tees region | 95