From The Editor
Bill Cromwell , Editor-in-Chief
Finish by Dusk and Cart Paths Only
It ’ s that time of year for two of a golfer ’ s favorite annoyances and one very creepy one — cart paths only , lost balls in the fallen leaves , and zombies after dark . Cart paths only save the fairways from death and create a better playing surface next year . But zombies after dark lurking around the golf course ’ s tree-lined fairways during October is the number one reason that I don ’ t dillydally on the back nine and am sure I leave the course by dusk .
The Midwest region is well-known as a hotspot for UFO sightings . Many UFOs have been sighted near or over golf courses — usually in late afternoons . What ’ s not talked about are zombie sightings on golf courses , like those captured in this month ’ s cover photo . These creatures are known to emerge from wooded areas and limp slowly onto the course shortly after dusk .
Reportedly , one golfer finished 18 holes and was trying to play a few extra holes at an eastern Jackson County golf course last October , but daylight was fading fast . He reluctantly decided it was dark enough that he could no longer see his ball , and it was time to head back to the clubhouse . As he was driving down the cart path on the 17th hole , squinting to see , he suddenly swerved , just missing a shadowy figure limping across the path . Startled , he quickly swiveled his head around and saw four apparent zombies emerging from the dark woods and heading towards the 17th tee ( apparently , zombies don ’ t care what hole they start on , nor is etiquette a concern ).
Creeped out by the spooky , groaning zombies , he raced to his car , tossed his clubs in the trunk , and sped out of the parking lot — leaving the cart parked in the middle of the parking lot . The next morning , that same cart was found near the 16th green with smelly green slim smeared on the seat and steering wheel . Because zombies limp due to lost limbs , it ’ s common for them to take carts left in parking lots after dark , which is why course staff always encourages golfers to return carts to the cart barn after their round — particularly after dusk !
Perhaps this fall , when courses invoke the “ cart path only ” rule , we ’ ll realize it ’ s for our own safety by keeping us out of the rough and away from the timber where zombies lurk . There ’ s never been a documented incident reported where zombies have intentionally injured a golfer ; however , we just don ’ t know how they ’ ll react if we slow their pace of play , as they must head back to the wooded areas 45 minutes before sunrise . Otherwise , at sunrise , they transform into the gooey green slim often found on the cart seat and steering wheel . It ’ s gross when that happens . LOL !
Enjoy fall golf ; it ’ s a great time of year to play . Remember to practice good golf etiquette — and to be gone by dusk !
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6 Golftober 2023 TEE TIMES GOLF GUIDE