Negotiate Like A Pro
3 Steps To Finding Out If You ' ve Left Anything On The Table
“ How do I know whether I ’ ve gotten everything I could have out of a deal ?”
This is one of the most common questions people ask me . To be fair , it ’ s a great question — and one that nags at all of us .
What if I told you that you can make sure you haven ’ t left anything on the table by following a simple three-step process that requires very little energy on your end ? Here it is .
Step 1 : Create A Positive And Playful Environment
People are six times more likely to make a deal with someone they like .
A few years ago , the great Tom Girardi — known as the top trial lawyer in California and of Erin Brokovich fame — told my negotiation class at the University of Southern California that the key to getting what you want in a negotiation is to be “ nice and gentle .”
Tom knows that , in order to get what he wants , he needs to create an environment that immediately encourages the other side to lean in his direction .
This is another version of one of our rules around The Black Swan Group : Never be mean to someone who could hurt you by doing nothing .
In every negotiation , your ultimate goal is to find out whether the other side can help you even more than they already have . You ’ re looking for every inch of latitude they could possibly give you . At the same time , you need to see far enough ahead to understand how you want to leave them before your next interaction . When the conversation is over , you want to make sure your counterpart is in a positive place .
Research tells us that people don ’ t remember things as they happened . They remember the most intense moment of an encounter , and they also remember how things ended . As we say here , the last impression is the lasting impression . That ’ s why we have to orchestrate our interactions so we control the end — and can then ensure that the end is positive .
The flip side to this is that we also know our brains work up to 31 % more effectively when we ’ re in a positive state of mind because , quite simply , we ’ re smarter when we ’ re in a positive frame of mind .
It doesn ’ t hurt us , then , to make our counterpart smarter , too . After all , we want them to come up with the best ideas that help us — and enjoy doing it !
Step 2 : Produce Empathy
In any negotiation with your clients or prospects , your goal should be to produce empathy and make the other side sympathetic to you and your goals . So , kick off a conversation with an apology . Nothing gets someone ’ s attention faster . They ’ ll wonder what the heck you ’ re apologizing for .
Believe it or not , this approach has the phenomenal effect of totally breaking the other side ’ s train of thought ( in a nice way ) and putting them in a position to be riveted by the next few words you say .
Introduce yourself and reintroduce yourself . Get your name out there . Make yourself a person . If you ’ ve been dealing with someone for a while , it never hurts to put your name back in their mind again . It ’ s a good refresher . You might also want to sprinkle in some self-effacing humility , which is a form of empathy that elevates your counterpart in a way they appreciate . You ’ ll also want to use their name sparingly — but not too sparingly .
A few years ago , after giving a session on negotiation at an Association for Financial Professionals ( AFP ) conference in Denver , an attendee taught me a brilliant insight I hadn ’ t known before . He suggested that when your counterpart says that ’ s right , they are confirming that you ’ ve hit the empathy bull ’ s-eye .
When you ’ ve gotten the that ’ s right , you ’ re ready for the next step .
Step 3 : Provoke The Response With A Killer Label™
" It sounds like there ’ s nothing more you can do , like this is out of your hands . It sounds like you ’ re powerless here . It sounds like there ’ s nothing I can say to get you to make this deal ."
When you ’ ve gotten your that ’ s right , it ’ s time to use Labels™ to get more information from your counterpart . Labeling is a communication skill that allows us to attach a tentative identification of the dynamics , emotions , or circumstances implied by your counterpart ’ s words , actions , or demeanor . Such labeling shows that we are attempting to gain an understanding of the position they are in , who they have to influence , and challenges they face . When used effectively , labeling becomes one of the most powerful skills available to us because it helps us uncover the factors that drive the counterpart ' s behavior .
Do not ask a question here . Say the Label gently , then go silent , keeping a supportive and approachable look on your face .
Let them respond . If they do have latitude , this is when you ’ ll find out . This is how you both figure out what ’ s what — and when you work to leave them in a positive frame of mind about the interaction . If they can ’ t do anything more , you ’ ve at least made a deposit in the karma bank , and you never know when that might pay a dividend in the future .
Never underestimate the power of Labels . People hate being powerless . I once had a customer service agent offer me a concession that I hadn ’ t even considered in response to this : It sounds like you ’ re powerless here . And doing so made them feel that much better .
When you ’ ve got your concession , thank them for their generosity , leave them with a smile , and make it rain ! n
Christopher Voss is the CEO of The Black Swan Group , a firm that solves business negotiation problems with hostage negotiation strategies . Chris is also an Adjunct Professor at the University of Southern California ( USC ) Marshall School of Business and Georgetown University ’ s McDonough School of Business where he teaches business negotiation in both M . B . A . programs . Learn more at BlackSwanLtd . com .
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