or others ’ belief systems , race , identity , cultural background , or economic status . To help boys develop strong character , Saint David ’ s focuses on developing a process of moral apprenticeship through our Sophrosyne , Chapel , and religion programs . We concentrate our work on providing boys with real-life examples of character traits that include : an openness to the world , a consciousness of right and wrong , a tendency toward extraversion ( in the sense of looking to connect with others ), and a constant search for ways to find agreement and build consensus . We must remain committed to our traditions and reinforce the importance of manners and social graces , of compassion and kindness , of a willingness to be open-minded , humble , flexible , and engaging .
The founders of our school did not articulate that they be perfect men , but rather … “ that they be good men .” A good man is gentle ( kind and respectful ). A good man possesses practical wisdom , and that wisdom is earned , not taught . A boy is not born with wisdom . To develop it , he must learn to combine moral will ( a desire to do good ) with moral skill ( the ability to do good ); both must be actively modeled , taught , and cultivated . This can only be achieved within a social context — boy to boy , teacher to teacher , teacher to boy .
Character is also cultivated in an environment where boys are held accountable for their actions and behavior , and where expectations for both are held high , but also one that allows boys to learn and grow from the mistakes they make . Saint David ’ s is an institution of education not correction . More often than not our children are defined by the stories we tell about them ; they become who we say they are . As adults , we must always allow our children the opportunity to learn from their mistakes . Too often we harken back to previous misdeeds , not allowing for or noticing how our boys have changed . This is critical in the overall education and raising of boys . It has been said that boys don ’ t learn subjects ; they learn teachers .
Relational Teaching and Spirituality
Research shows that the best teacher of a boy is one who sees the boy for who he is , not who they want him to be . We know from noted psychiatrist and author Ned Hallowell and others that boys ’ sense of connection to parents ( their first teachers ) is the most important factor influencing their well-being and whether they ’ ll decide to engage in risky behavior as they grow older ; the second most influential factor is a boy ’ s sense of connection to his school ( and his teachers ). Boys find value in tradition and ritual , in having a common reference that enables experiences to be shared , to be transcendent , connecting them to all who have
“ We know that boys ’ sense of connection to parents ( their first teachers ) is the most important factor influencing their well-being and whether they ’ ll decide to engage in risky behavior as they grow older ; the second most influential factor is a boy ’ s sense of connection to his school ( and his teachers ).”
passed through these walls , are passing through them now , and will pass through them in the future . Michael Reichert , Director of the Center for the Study of Boys ’ and Girls ’ Lives at UPenn , cites three global studies ( 2010 , 2013 , and 2016 ) he conducted through the International Boys ’ Schools Coalition ( IBSC ), of which Saint David ’ s is a member , that demonstrate the importance of the relational dimension in teaching boys .
Dr . Reichert and his research partners found that , above all , boys are relational learners , and that “ the establishment of an affective relationship is a precondition to successful teaching ” and learning . At Saint David ’ s , we frame much of “ the relational ” through the perspective of our founding faith , helping to shape the moral compass of our boys . The shared experiences of ritual , ceremony , and tradition that the school ’ s faith tradition provides , help boys bond with each other and to the higher ideas that define what “ good ” looks like .
It is no secret that we live in an increasingly agnostic or secular age , but I would advocate that spirituality , informed by a faith tradition , plays an even more essential role now . “ The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy ; it is being unwanted , unloved , and uncared for ,” Mother Teresa once said . “ The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty — it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality .” As parents and teachers , we have a responsibility to ensure our children are nourished with the food that feeds their souls — love and spirituality . Saint David ’ s recognizes its need to stand firm in its mission and advocate for the role of the spiritual in forming and framing the moral and ethical , the character of our boys . It is for this reason that our founders identified spirituality as the fourth of our school ’ s four pillars . If we want our boys to fulfill their potential , to live full , productive , good lives , they must feel wanted , loved , and cared for , and this spiritual dimension of the human experience must be cultivated .
In her book The Spiritual Child , Lisa Miller , Director of Clinical Psychology at Teachers College , Columbia University , lays out the scientific link between spirituality and health and well-being . Children who have a positive , active relationship to spirituality are 40 % less likely to use and abuse substances , 60 % less likely to be depressed as teenagers , 80 % less likely to have dangerous or unprotected sex , and have significantly more positive markers for thriving — including an increased sense of meaning and purpose , and high levels of academic success .
We are fortunate to be able to use tools from our founding faith ’ s framework as well as our school-wide Sophrosyne health and wellness curriculum , advisory program , religion and world-
Summer 2023 • 9