How Bystanders Can Stop Bullying
by Deborah Carpenter with Christopher J. Ferguson, Ph.D. [1]
Bystanders have the power to stop bullies. But most bystanders are children, and often children don't realize the power they hold. In most instances of bullying, there is one bully, one victim, and many bystanders.
Anti-bullying intervention and education programs teach children to recognize that there is strength in numbers, that all it takes to stop the bullying is for a few students to stand up and confront the bully. A bully wants to impress the bystanders with his aggressive and abusive actions. If enough bystanders express disapproval, he'll stop.
Kids need to know that other kids feel the same way that they do about bullying. And parents can encourage children to be part of the solution, instead of part of the problem. If you want your child to take action when he witnesses bullying, here are a few things you should discuss beforehand.
Empathy and Compassion
Talk with your child about how the victim of bullying must feel. Ask your child how she would feel if it were happening to her. Would she want and need others to intervene on her behalf?
If your child knows someone who has been bullied, she can offer a helping hand. She could extend an invitation to help her report it, invite her to participate in a group activity, or she can privately express that what happened was not fair or deserved.
Just reaching out to a bullied child is a great first step. Be sure to set a good example for your child and reach out to the parents of kids who don't quite fit in.
Show Support
Tell your child that you are there for her whenever she needs to talk about the situation. Listen to her concerns and take them seriously. If your child isn't comfortable standing up for a bullied child, do not force it. Encourage her instead to talk with other bystanders to see if anyone else is willing to join her in standing up for the bullied child. Point out that if enough kids stand up to the bully, the bully will have to stop.
Explain the Need to Tell
Encourage your child to report bullying to an adult. Most kids don't want to be labeled a tattletale; explain to her that there is a big difference between tattling in order to get someone in trouble and reporting to prevent another child from being hurt or humiliated. If the bullied child won't get help because she's scared, you and your child can still try to get help for her.
Find an Alternate Solution
Think of some concrete ways your child might stop someone from bullying. Can your child get the attention of an adult? Perhaps your child could create a diversion or distraction.