Bella
Dear Maryann ,
I feel like a fumbling idiot . I still haven ’ t managed to get used to my new surroundings . I ’ m learning that the words “ I ’ m sorry ” here do not hold the same resonance like at back home . In fact , I appear weak when I apologize . When my students apologize to me , it feels very insincere . I feel stuck . Do I not apologize ? Do I ignore when I offend or they offend me ?.
Troubled , Abe
Dear Abe ,
This is a tough one that I ’ ve been exploring personally . Let ’ s take out the “ new ” surroundings . Think of this as simply a communications issue . The words , “ I ’ m sorry ” are thrown around so much these days , that they ’ ve lost their weight . Your students may have learned this from another teacher , who may have been doing a simple English lesson . It ’ s interesting what our students hold on to . My students ’ favorite words were “ Relax ” and “ Break ”. However , it seems like your situation is more complicated . Why are you fumbling or feeling like you are offending your students ? I ’ m assuming that by their reaction you know this for sure ? Next time a student expresses hurt feelings or confusion by a comment you made – do not quickly jump to apologize . Apologies like “ I ’ m sorry ” make others feel like the victim . It disempowers the person who was offended , and the offender . The offender is left feeling like “ the bad guy ” when it was probably an honest mistake . Neither of these leads to a deeper connection . Try using the words “ I understand ”. The next time someone is offended by you , listen carefully , and say , “ I understand ”. Sometimes , people just want to be heard , and understood .
M
Dear Maryann ,
How can I teach others about this great life I created in the UAE ? So many of my friends ask me how , and I ’ m beginning to think I have a business here !
Grateful , Aminah
Dear Aminah ,
Write and sell books and online courses . You may also want to do a podcast on your time off . You can also give your advice online on sites like justanswer . com if you want to earn money . If you ’ d like more details on how to develop a course or write your own book , contact me directly at maryann @ teachuae . com .
M
Hi Maryann ,
I recently went on a job interview and the interviewer , an older man in his 60s , did not even give me eye contact . I left feeling horrible and he didn ’ t even call back . I never thought anyone could be so rude ! I ’ m an attractive woman , so I don ’ t know what the problem is . If I don ’ t get work soon , I will have to leave the country . This has been happening a lot at interviews .
Grateful , Brittany
Dear Brittany ,
You did not specify how you were dressed or the nationality of your interviewer . If he was Middle Eastern , know that it is not unusual for Arab men , or Emirati men to not make eye contact . Additionally , conservative outfits are always highly encouraged . The problem that you are having may be more of a cultural issue , than a personal one . Perhaps you should do more research , and develop more cultural awareness . This will go a long way in helping you to understand the culture of your new home and could prevent unnecessary assumptions or problems going forward . Good luck .
M
Maryann Reid , a personal coach and educator from New York can be reached at maryann @ teachuae . com
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After The Bell Mar - Apr 2017