ArabBaba
How to have difficult conversations with your children
By Mostafa Hassan
Growing up , we all had difficult situations to contend with at various stages of our lives . Some may be more vivid and traumatic than others . Different situations may now allow us , as adults and parents , to reflect on how we felt or what we learned from those experiences .
We are a very important part of a child ’ s life . The responsibility is often on us to find a way to explain , listen , support and follow-up with a child , especially , when it comes to having a difficult conversation with them .
These following four tips can be vital in allowing them to process the situation in a way that works for them , while providing the right age-appropriate information .
Several areas that are commonly |
addressed are illness / death , financial |
difficulties / job |
loss , |
relocation , |
separation / divorce , |
and |
world |
catastrophes . |
|
|
EXPLAIN
A 2 year old will be unable to comprehend a discussion about parents separating the way a 15 year old might . A 7 year old may see their favourite grandmother sick in the hospital and still have a conversation with her and it may be down-played , where as a 12 year old may be able to understand that she is having a surgery - why and what to expect .
The trick is sitting down with your child and explaining in easy to understand words .
If there are financial difficulties , simple statements like “ We don ’ t have enough money this time but let ’ s put this on our wish list ” without creating panic . For a child , hearing that his or her father is out of a job and their imagination runs wild , thinking they will be living in a street .
LISTEN
A child may not often have questions immediately after hearing something . A reaction such as sadness , crying , anger , or worry may come immediately or days later . Look and listen for it .
You may find that you are watching a television show and a random question comes from your child such as , “ Does that mean daddy won ’ t go on holiday with us ?” This represents part of how they are processing and can be vital to a child ’ s comfort when you actually hear them and can respond .
SUPPORT
Depending on a child ’ s reaction , support is the most critical element . Their feelings ( and chances are your own at that point ) can be jumbled together and difficult to dissect . Holding their hand , creating a quiet and safe environment for them , being available to talk or just giving a hug , can provide that secure feeling that ‘ everything is going to be ok ’.
FOLLOW-UP
Follow-up with your child , when circumstances change . Ask if they have questions or provide them with the latest information on the situation . Discuss things that they are seeing in the news or hear at school . Talk about how weather patterns work , earthquakes or other worldly situations that concern them . Discuss what your feelings are on a particular situation , and how you are dealing with your own feelings .
One of the most critical areas to remember , is to relate to the child in a way that makes the matter clear ; “ Mummy is very sick and needs to be close to doctors , but we will go and see her tomorrow ,” for a 3 year old to , “ Mum has a disease called cancer that they are trying to fix through surgeries and treatments . So , we want to support her and love her and work together as a family ,” for a 15 year old .
Be prepared to answer questions . Be willing to acknowledge your own feelings about the situation . Use this as an opportunity to be closer to a child , as you work together as a family .
Nothing is insurmountable when it comes to family .