TAKING CHANCES
Dear LFG,
I believe in chances. If I connect with someone, I find funny and attractive, although he may not have it all together
(a car, steady job, etc.) when we meet, I am willing to try
and see how the relationship goes. It’s hard living in today’s
society, and I’m not going to knock a good man down just
because we met while he may be experiencing a hard time.
I want to be there for my man and help him through his
struggles, but lately, I’ve felt like I am the one who cares
more. My friends all say “if he’s not a man when you met
him, he’ll never become a man.” They say he can’t change
for the better and that he has to have already been in a
good place in life before dating for things to work. Can he
change for the better? Or was this love subject to failure
from the start?
ing someone who may be struggling into your life on that
intimate a level, be prepared to take on their struggles too,
especially when they start getting comfortable (and they
will). It’s more often the case than not. You cannot love
anyone to the point where they get their life together for
you. That’s something they have to want bad enough to do
for themselves, and you may very well be enabling their
behavior not to change for the better, although your intentions are good.
If you decide you want to stick it out, I recommend
you (seriously) raise the standard. If he intends to be a part
of your life, require him to prove his commitment to the
relationship as well by showing he cares to be worth your
time. Take a step away from the relationship and allow him
to get his life together without the pressures of being in
one. Then he can approach you. Never forget that you are
the prize, and you cannot help someone who isn’t making
an effort to help themselves (just make sure it’s not to your
generosity).
Signed Chanced Love
Dear Chanced Love,
The truth is your friends are probably right on this one.
You have already set the standard from the beginning of
the relationship on what you would accept, by permitting
it (the relationship) to happen in the first place. By allow-
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58 UNSIGNED ARTIST
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that special someone more than it is about discovering
yourself.
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