T-OFF (ISSUE15) OCT - DEC 2019 | Page 42

JOKES/TRIVIA SAFARI TOUR HUMOUR WISDOM “You can talk to a fade but a hook won’t listen.» “I still swing the way I used to, but when I look up the ball is going in a different direction.” The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing. Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting. I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators. Golf is 20 percent talent and 80 percent management. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots – but you have to play the ball where it lies. QUIZ QUIPS Why do golfers hate cake? Be- cause they might get a slice. Golfer: That can’t be my ball, it looks too old. When your putt lips out, what disease do you have? Liprocy. Caddie: It’s been a long time since we started. What’s the easiest shot in golf? Your fourth putt. -------------- Practice puts brains in your muscles. Golfer: This is the worst golf course I’ve ever played on! Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose. What’s the difference between a pro golfer and everyone else that plays golf? Everyone else retires to play golf. What do a golfer and a very young child have in common? They can’t count past five. Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them? In case they get a hole in one. 42 Caddie: This isn’t the golf course, sir, we left that an hour ago. -------------- Wife: You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married? Husband: Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt. It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it. Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Source: Online