Re: I've Been Asked Out..... Now What?
Dear Ana,
Remember John? Well, it's been six years since he left for America, and now he's returning to Hong Kong! I am beyond excited to see him in person again. However, I'm also slightly nervous- you know that I've kept in contact with him over these few years, and three days ago, before he left America, we had a Skype call and he asked me out- on a date! Although I'm excited, I had postponed agreeing, seeing that we did have a relationship before he left, and I'm not sure what to do now that he's coming back. Should I say yes, or disagree? I'm torn about what to say, and so I've written to you for help. What do you think I should do- agree or disagree?
Send your advice quick!
Sincerely,
Kate
Dear Kate,
My, it's been a long time since we last talked about John! Six years have passed since you guys broke up and he left for America with his family, and now I can't believe he's back in Hong Kong! Anyways, enough of my chattering. Let me get to the point- which is that he asked you out on your last Skype call three days ago before he left America. Before you give him an answer, I would advise you to ask yourself (and even him) these questions:
You have to remember, Kate, that the purpose of dating is not to make yourself feel good that you have a boyfriend, or to have someone to depend on socially, or to prove to yourself and others around you that you are wanted, or anything of the sort- the true purpose of dating is to find someone who compliments you as a person who you can eventually marry and spend the rest of your life with. The Bible tell us that marriage is to "become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24)- to become one whole unit to better serve God and to glorify Him.
That said, before you agree (or disagree) to that date, also consider where you are maturity-wise (and be brutally honest with yourself about it, please). How much maturity, and self control do you think it takes to be in a relationship, and do you think you have it? Keep in mind that relationships take sacrifice, understanding, compromise, time, energy, and trust. Can you do all those things for the better of John, even if it meant letting him go so that he can do better?
Another thing to keep in mind would be your faith. As Christians, we are called to be careful that we don't "be unequally yoked with nonbelievers"- that we share the same faith and beliefs as our partners. (2 Corinthians 6:24) And also- what are your (and his potential) intentions for getting back together? To make yourself look good? So that you can have someone to share a hug with, take somewhere in order to keep yourself from seeming like a loner? If your answer to this question is or even sounds anything remotely like the aforementioned reasons, then I beg you to reconsider your choices. The Bible calls us to remain pure, (1 Thessalonians 4:3),and your intentions should be pure also.
Lastly, a bit of advice- if you do say yes, make sure you know your boundaries (how far would you go physically without nearing temptation? Holding hands? Hugging? Kissing?) and that you can stand strong for them to protect yourself and your purity, and if you say no, to let him down gently (but be firm about it). Above all, however, I would suggest you pray about it, and let God guide you on the path of His will. I'll be praying for you two!
Best wishes and blessings,
Anna
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