SUPPORTING SOMEONE
Be present and practice active listening.
• Focus on the individual and the conversation in the moment.
• Minimize background noise and distractions, such as television or cell phones.
• Make regular eye contact, even if they are not able to reciprocate.
• Listen without judgment and without providing unsolicited advice.
• Be attuned to, and comfortable with, the person’ s possible need for slowness in conversations— or even silence. Because of their symptoms, they may have difficulty or delays with organizing thoughts and expressing words and may even voice an incorrect word. Speech may be soft, slurred or more difficult to understand. Allowing the person time to respond is especially important in group settings when conversations can be quicker and more complex.
• Educate and advocate for others to practice patience in their communication with them as well.
• If they are not able to come up with a word or thoughts, gently cue them with words or gestures. Do not assume what they were going to say or finish sentences for them. Confirm that you understand what they said.
• You do not need to talk to fill silent space, unless that is what the person wants. If your quiet presence is what they need, perhaps you could suggest listening to music or watching a movie together.
Reach out and offer tangible support.
• Stay in touch with the person and their care partner. Ask them what their preferred method of communication is. Check in.
• Ask if they would like a visit. If a visit is planned, follow through. However, be flexible; your friend may not feel up to a visit on the scheduled day.
• Consider surprising them with a special gift, such as flowers, magazines, comfy slippers or yummy food you know they like. Your surprise is one way of letting the person know they are loved and thought about.
•“ Let me know if I can help” or“ Tell me how I can help you” can sometimes leave someone stressed that they must think of a way for you to help or fearful they are going to be a burden. Instead, offer practical, concrete suggestions of activities you can and are willing to perform. For example:
• Shopping for groceries or picking up prescriptions
• Helping with household chores
• Cooking a meal
• Reading with or to them
• Driving and accompanying them to various activities, such as medical appointments, a support group meeting, shopping, hairdresser or barber, etc.
• Making phone calls to locate resources or supplies
• Being available in case of an unexpected need or emergency
• Staying with the person for a short period of time so that their care partner can have respite
Choose words that show your support and care.
•“ I hate this for you.”
•“ I care about you, and I am thinking about you.”
•“ I’ m here to listen whenever you feel like talking.”
• You do not need to try to relate. Instead, you can just say:“ I recognize I don’ t know what you are going through. No matter what, I will be here for you throughout your journey with this diagnosis, in whatever ways I can and that you need.”
Remember that staying in touch is always better than staying away.
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