At that precise moment when I felt the response, I dropped to my knees and had one of those uncontrollable blubbering moments. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever had one of those moments that you felt that this was it? That it was the end? How could it possibly get worse? The reality hit me just then.
In the midst of my storm, I asked my higher self a question.
What’s next?
I realized that I was living a life defined by others. I became my problem. I sat amongst my deepest fears, doubts and insecurities. I played small, being too afraid to show up, just in case I offended anyone. I knew this is what I chose, and because of my choice, I was faced with my pit. So when I asked the question, I secretly knew what I had to do.
But I was afraid. I was afraid to be myself. I was different. I didn’t know if I would have been accepted by society. I was afraid of more rejection , more judgment and more criticism. So I hid myself away, shrinking daily, just to keep the ‘peace’, not knowing I was creating a war within myself. Do you know the worst person to have a confrontation with is yourself?
So the response I received didn’t surprise me. It just reconfirmed my identity. My true identity. Not my name, not who people knew me as, not my profession or even religion. My true, inner warrior self was exposed at this moment.
The lies I told myself were uncovered.
The fears were revealed.
The doubts were challenged.
I changed the way I viewed my life.
I shifted my thinking.