building .” “ Heil Gomorrah ,” said all the shareholders in unison with raised outstretched hands .
“ I automatically reinstate all of the unelected Board members . Does anyone have any questions ?”
The shareholders had never recovered from the fact that I had brought last year ’ s meeting to a halt . I outdid myself when I gave my I don ’ t want to live in North Korea speech , draped myself in the American flag which adorned the lobby , quoted the First Amendment , and shouted “ freedom now .” Sensing that the meeting was about to end , everyone stared at me and held their breath . I said nothing . “ Meeting adjourned ,” said Gomorrah . I turned and saw Liam , Wong Foo , and their lawyer angrily stomping out . Victory was mine . I hoped that house call making lawyers are exceedingly expensive .
I had won a battle , but not the war . The whirring continued . On the morning which followed the meeting , I knocked on Gomorrah ’ s door to make a new complaint . Even the friendly door was getting sick of me .
“ I do not agree with having shareholders ’ cleaning women relegated to using the service elevator . In addition to not wanting to live in North Korea , I also do not want to live on a plantation . I can ’ t stand the building staff calling me Miss . “ Doctor ” is my correct appellation . I can ’ t stand the air conditioner noise . I can ’ t stand the surveillance cameras . I can ’ t stand the Muldoon-Fats ’ lawyer coming to a private meeting to use my words to entrap me .”
“ Frankly my dear , I don ’ t give a damn ,” said Gomorrah as she slammed her door in my face . Her normal door was unsympathetic .
“ Tomorrow is another day .” I said to the closed door which was unable to hear me .
Suddenly smoke filled the hall . An elderly woman walked through the closed elevator door . The elevator door was also normal .
“ Mrs . Thwackwaddle ? Excuse me . I don ’ t mean to be rude but I thought you were dead . I thought the same about Leslie Fiedler . But he was in the lobby recently .”
“ News of my death has been greatly exaggerated . I am not sure that you ever knew my full name dear . It is Fruma Sarah Hilda Thwackwaddle . You can call me Fruma Sarah .” Gomorrah peered out into the hall . “ I feel sorry for Sondra . You should help her to live in peace ,” said Mrs . Thwackwaddle ’ s corpse to Gomorrah .
“ No . I don ’ t feel like it ,” answered Gomorrah while sticking out her tongue .
“ If the Muldoon-Fats don ’ t turn off their air conditioners , I pity them both . I ’ ll come to them by night . I ’ ll take them by the throat . And this be the Muldoon-Fats if they don ’ t turn off their air conditioners ,” sang the corpse .
The Muldoon-Fats agreed to pay to have their compressor placed on the roof . I subsequently chalked up the entire air conditioner noise incident to mere fiddle faddle . Pepe came out and joined the chorus . “ Do you love me ?” he asked . “ Do I what ?” “ Do you love me ?” “ Do I love you ?” This was too much . Pepe was distraught about the hosing and the screaming to the extent that he was turning into a real Anatevka denizen . This could not be . I loved him as a goy . I had to turn him back into a goy . I went out on the terrace , turned on the hose , and poured water into my hand . I threw the water on Pepe to re-baptize him as a goy . It worked . Pepe , returning to his shegetz self , muttered “ tabernacle ” and skulked back into the apartment .
The Muldoon-Fats were even more profoundly transformed . I was slightly wrong about Liam being a spy or a terrorist . My antipathy blinded me to the truth . Liam was on