did the spiders notice? Were they drawn to my sweat? Would
they react to it? If I could tense, I would have. The spiders
were on me, and I couldn't move. I wasn't even sure that
I could respond in any way. I felt conscious of everything
around me, but I was unable to respond.
The next thought that hit me was beyond my previous worries. What if I wasn't just sleeping? What if this was
actually death? I would be buried, or burned, conscious until
when? Would I hear the lowering of the casket and the dirt
falling on top, or the flames crackling as any fluid in my body
boiled out and I turned to ash?
Was that what death really was? Where were you Lord?
I prayed to you. I followed you. When I questioned if I had
failed, I prayed for forgiveness and strength to carry on correctly. That was the way that I had been taught? Was that not
the way? Was I dead?
No. I couldn't be dead. I didn't believe it. And then, to
answer, I felt my chest raise and lower to breathe. As I did, I
wondered, why had I never prayed for this to never happen
to me again? Would I pray this time for release from the episodes?
Then, again, I was out of my fright induced insanity.
Now, I was able to think again. I was confident that blood
still traveled my veins. I was confident that I would wake, but
now I felt that I was forgetting something. Tingling movement over my body reminded me.
I felt hairy legged spiders wandering over me and I
then came another rush of energy. I used all of it to move.
Would I move again? And then I felt it. The small finger on
my left hand twitched. It actually twitched! I became calm for
a moment, but then, with the hundreds of spiders, I felt it. I
felt the fangs enter my skin.
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Photographer: James Antonio/Oz Photography