Lilu by Harbingerr
He whispered soothingly as she rinsed the body wash from her skin . She could feel his breath against her neck , and she silently wished that the water droplets caressing her were his fingers . This was her crazy imagination running away with her again but she still enjoyed the soft , sweet words that he spoke . She finished cleaning up , pulled on her most comfortable pajamas , then crawled between the sheets of her empty bed . She felt him near her always , but in sleep she was consumed by him . She let his words weave a beautiful fantasy in her ears as she drifted off where he waited for her .
Sophie was an average woman , unremarkable in every way as far as the world was concerned , which suited her just fine . The less attention she called to herself , the better . She lived her life as far under the radar as her creature comforts would allow . She was a teller at the local bank branch with no intention of trying to move up within the company . She shopped at local thrift stores and consignment shops to avoid the crowds that larger department stores attracted . The internet became her savior . Her goal was to interact with others as little as possible on a social basis . The fear that anyone would discover her deepest secrets were what drove her to an introverted lifestyle .
Sometimes Sophie would wonder what it was like to be a part of the world around her . She would allow her to mind to wander over different scenarios in which she was a normal person with lots of friends and experiences , then her thoughts would land on memories of how she ended up so disconnected . The buried recollections of the seemingly endless procession of doctors , therapists , clergymen , tests , drugs , and personal safety rooms would trigger her anxiety , making her do things that she wouldn ’ t remember later . Then his voice would break through , it ’ s low , gentle tones washing over her , comforting her , and all her unease would evaporate . He was always there to save her from herself .
Li was Sophie ’ s only friend , lover , and biggest secret . He had been there for her during all the abuse from other kids , neglect from her parents , and torture from the doctors . She could feel his presence at every waking moment . His thoughts were her thoughts , his needs were her needs , his desires were her desires . She built her life around protecting him as he had protected her . He was the only one who called her by her full name , Sophronia . She had hated the name since childhood . The way her parents had spat it out made the name feel like a curse , but when Li said it her heart melted . The “ r ” rolled from his tongue just mildly enough to give her goosebumps every time . She would do anything for Li … and she did .
Satan ’ s Sanitarium is what the laypeople affectionately called the wing of St . Padre Pio ’ s Hospital that housed the most infirmed of mentally ill cases . The same wing where Sophie was secluded after Father Michael nearly lost his eyes during a particularly intense one on one session with her . She was labeled a danger to herself and others and immediately admitted without question . The doctors had Sophie so vitiated by mood stabilizers , anti-depressants , and muscle relaxers that she lost all track of time . Li was the only thing that kept her sane , a thought that would make her chuckle every time she revisited it later . Sophie eventually conditioned herself to say whatever the doctors and nurses wanted to hear in order to avoid more ECT , the results of which even Li had a hard time bringing her back from . In learning to portray herself as a model patient , she was able to gain a modicum of autonomy within the windowless walls of her personal purgatory , which granted her more alone time with Li than she had ever had before .
The time they shared together drew them closer , he became her sole companion and confidante . He taught her how to hide pills under her tongue , how to free herself from bed restraints , and how to pilfer small objects without being noticed , objects such as a lighter from the morning nurse ’ s coat pocket .
The headlines read “ Inferno at Satan ’ s Sanitarium ”. The entire wing was engulfed in flames and most of the entire structure was ashes by dusk , including every professional that had tried to “ help ” Sophie during her stay at St . Padre Pio ’ s . She and Li escaped unharmed , no living person ever to be the wiser due to the sheer destruction left behind by the fire .
Sophie ’ s parents were more shocked than relieved by her appearance at their front door during the evening news , a fact that didn ’ t surprise her at this point . What did surprise her was how easy it was to walk away after piling their freshly severed limbs into the center of the living room and setting them ablaze .
It was just Sophie and Li now . His voice was hers forever . No one left to tell her that she was possessed , or delusional , or a victim . She knew who Lilu was , what Lilu was , she had always known , even as a child when he visited her in her dreams . She chose him . Maybe if circumstances had been different she would not have embraced a dark entity at such a young age , but they weren ’ t and she did . They were each other .
Epilogue :
The final entry in Sophie ’ s diary before admittance to St . Padre Pio :
I have a demon that resides in my head . His name is Lilu and he wants me dead . If I could resist his loving embrace . I ’ m sure I could fight with much more grace .
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