CHAPTER THREE: TELL ME YOUR STORY
SUBMISSION 18
From a young age I’ ve always hated the way I looked and the way I felt. I was different and a part of me will always want to white and straight. In my early teen years, I embraced my sexuality with a facade that I was confident, I was addicted to cutting myself. When it became too much, I taught myself how to destroy myself completely, I would have sex and have relationships with the worst people so I can teach myself that I deserve nothing. Now I’ m a little bit better, but I’ m in a committed relationship now and I can feel the damage I’ ve done in my life and it’ s getting harder and harder to heal. I feel like I finally broke myself, and even though I want to mend every broken part of me, I’ m still suffering.
SUBMISSION 19
I have always known that my father would have a heart attack. This thought haunted me for years. I can’ t tell you why I held on to this conviction but it ends up that I was right.
His heart attack happened on a Thursday morning. My sister was the one who called 9-1-1. She is only 17. I can’ t begin to imagine the scars she carries after watching her father have a heart attack. My mother wasn’ t sure if they should go to the hospital but my sister insisted. That phone call saved his life.
His coded three time inside of two hours. We were all at the hospital the third time and heard them call the“ Code Blue”. What the human body can sustain is amazing.
I am not sure how to feel anymore. Fear has been taken over by something else but I can’ t put my finger on what that feeling is. Is it relief that it is over and he survived? Or anxiety that we are on borrowed time? Or is it hope that the worst has passed? I guess time will tell.
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