Smile Lines
A student was writing to the head of the mission in England who had
founded his local school in the African bush. He wanted to end with a
blessing, ’May heaven preserve you’. Not being quite confident of his
English, he looked up the word ‘preserve’. When the letter reached the head
of mission, it ended with the words…
‘And may Heaven pickle you’.
Three ministers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a
telephone repairman worked nearby. “Kneeling is definitely best,” claimed
one minister.
“No”, another contended, “I get best results standing with my hands
outstretched to Heaven”.
“You are both wrong”, the third insisted, “The most effective prayer position
is lying prostrate, face down on the floor”.
The repairman could contain himself no longer. “Sorry”, he blurted out, “but
the best praying I ever did was hanging upside down from a telegraph pole”.
What is the infallible way to reduce your waistline? Just move your head
slowly from right to left when asked to have a second helping.
During a recent gathering of local faith leaders, the church caught fire.
The Methodists gathered in the corner
and prayed.
The Baptists cried, “Where is the
water?”
The Anglicans formed a procession
and marched out.
The Quakers silently praised God for
the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on
the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed a plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass over.
The Congregationalists shouted, “Every man for himself”!
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, “It’s the vengeance of God!”
The Charismatics praised God for another falling of the Holy Spirit.
The Christian Scientists concluded that, actually, there was no fire
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee
to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out!
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