MOPEDS MAKE
GOOD FRIENDS
“USUALLY 20-35 YEARS OLD, LOUD AND SLOW, VERY UNRELIABLE.”
MATT C H E V LE N AND CAR R I E S C H R E C K INTERVIEW
C H R I S H E R NAN D EZ OF THE LOS ANGELES
W O O L LY B U L L I E S
HRIS IS PROPPED ON A PILLOW IN HIS DARK BEDROOM. He’s settling
into a Norco and gingerly holding a Modelo. His finger is wrapped in gauze and he’s
nursing it gently. “The rest of my finger is up there somewhere. Do you want to see
it?” He indicates the bookshelf with the large screen TV above us, the only source of light.
“No, I’m good.”
C
As tough as he looks, Chris is a big softy. The painkillers are in abundance since his girlfriend’s moped accident four months previous. Struck by an absent minded driver, moped
totaled and her humerus fractured, Hilary had been recuperating at Chris’s since, leaving a
helpful stash of muscle relaxers for future, inevitable scrapes.
Chris is woozy and his eyes roll. His arms and face are covered in tattoos and scars, most
notably a large rip down his right cheek that meets the top of his lip. He was one of the first
moped riders I’d met when I moved to Los Angeles. Our mechanic had made the introduction: “This man is the original Bully.”
A moped is a small bike with pedals, usually 20-35 years old, loud and slow, very unreliable.
But it’s also elegant, simple. A connoisseur would point out the engineering marvels each
model was designed with, and he’d do it with love. The bikes and their riders are a total
contradiction: they’re serious and they aren’t. A moped rider would be the first to laugh at
his little, slow bike. But he’d also defend its appeal. He might say the idea of a gang is absolutely, 100 percent an ironic joke, but he’d help and protect his gang member like family.
He wants to tell you about it, but he also doesn’t want you to know about it. It’s completely
immature and absurd, but it’s also something to love dearly.
In spite of the injuries, Chris and I are actually sitting down this evening to discuss the joys of
riding tiny little bikes. Specifically, large events where multiple moped riders gather and are
hosted by one city’s moped gang. There are long rides, parties, raffles, even awards (“First
Blown Piston!”). It’s serious, and it’s not. But it is.