SMILE LINES
Comment from a parishioner: “Our vicar’s sermons always have a happy
ending. The moment they’ve ended, everyone feels happy”.
Found in a diocesan magazine: A nun driving her jeep in the Middle East ran
out of petrol. The only container she could find was a chamber pot, in which
she collected petrol and with great difficulty refilled the jeep. Some Sheiks
looking on observed: ‘Sister, we don’t share your religion, but we admire
your faith.”
Seen in a West Country church: Whenever I see a little church, I always ay a
visit. So when at last I’m carried in, the Lord won’t say: “Who is this?”
Seen in a parish magazine: “We shall be meeting on Wednesday when the
subject will be: ‘Heaven – how to get there.’ Transport by bus is available at
6.45pm opposite the King’s Arms.
Seen in a parish magazine: Next Sunday the choir will give a recital, after
which the church will be closed for repairs.
A musical concert was about to be performed in a prison. The Governor
was talking to a titled lady guest, explaining that the orchestra was made up
of murderers, embezzlers and other hardened criminals. The lady pointed to
a man in the corner, holding a trombone. ‘He looks a tough customer’, she
whispered. ‘Whatever has HE done?’ The governor paused and smiled. ‘Ah,
actually, he is the chaplain.’
Source: St Augustine’s magazine.
Brigitte Williams
What’s ON @ St Oswald’s
Monday
1900-2100 (Last/month) Kings Park Community Council
Tuesday
1930-2130 St Oswald’s Vestry (First/month)
Wednesday
0930 1130 1730 & 1930 Slimming World
C Ellis 0773 353 8448
Friday
1900-2000 AA
Contact Helpline
08475 697 555
Saturday
1930-2200 Sequence Dance
Contact: H Warnock (01355-265233)
StOM Page 12
2000-2200 Sequence Dance
Contact: J Barr (01698-853652)