Smile Lines/Thoughts
Courtesy of St Augustine’s Dumbarton
The gift
After the Sunday service the minister stood by the door to greet the
congregation as they left the church. Soon one of the younger children filed
by. "Good morning, Jonathan," the minister said, as the little boy reached out
and handed him something. “What’s this?” "Money," said the boy, with a big
smile. "It's for you!" When the minister protested in surprise, the little boy
continued: "But I want you to have it. My daddy says you're the poorest
preacher we ever had, and I want to help you."
Halloween costumes
My six-year-old son was excited about choosing his Halloween costume. "I’m
going to be the Pope," he announced proudly. "But Ian, you can’t be the
Pope. You’re not Catholic,” I explained. “You’re Church of England.” My son
was silent for a few moments, while he considered his alternatives. “Well, is
Dracula Church of England?"
Signs of our times? When you know what they meant, but…!
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. In a Laundromat: Automatic
Washing Machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a London department store: Bargain Basement upstairs. In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back, or
further steps will be taken.
In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand
upside down on the draining board. Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.
Spotted in a safari park: Elephants, please stay in your car.
When children meet liturgy …
"Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses." "Hail,
Mary, full of grapes." "He suffered under a bunch of violets." (Pontius Pilate)
Growing up
Your child has started growing up when he stops asking you where he came
from and starts refusing to tell you where he's going.
Definitions HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key two octaves
higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The
last song at a church service, often sung a little more quietly, since most of
the people have already left. JONAH: The original ‘Jaws’ story. AMEN: The
only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
Fish
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will
sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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