SPLICED COLUMN /
WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF...
ISSUE 04
For most, the notion of polyamory is relegated to the confines
of wet dreams, drunken experimentation and questionable latenight downloads; but polyamory has long been a cultural staple.
The ancients in Greece & Rome married, but
orgies were commonplace as a means of celebration,
and it was customary for a man to take a younger
bloke under his *ahem* wing as a rite of passage
(bear in mind these are the same lot that shagged
goats in the name of Dionysus and had dedicated
vomitoriums – the ancients knew how to party).
Islamic law still allows for a man to have up to 4
wives at a time. Jews would customarily be able
to marry their brother’s widow in addition to their
own wife thus absorbing the family as their own.
Nomadic Tibetan brothers often married the
same woman, sharing their matrimonial privileges.
The Mormons, more creepily perhaps, devised
and implemented the ‘sister-wives’ concept. Our
president is flying the flag of our local cultural
bylaws. For most countries polygamy may not be
legal, but polyamory is on the rise.
You may be doing it right now.
By definition dating is a polyamorous practice.
Hedging your bets, dating more than one person at
a time to figure out which may be the better match?
That’s polyamory in practice. And why not?
The Women’s Liberation movement dispelled
the necessity for a marriage to provide sole financial
security. The medical leaps beyond bloodletting and
leeches now call it an orgasm instead of hysteria. The
sexual revolution and ever-progressive laws have
entirely opened the divide between homo, hetero
and everything in between; recognising a person’s
inalienable right to love who they want, for as long as
feel and marry whomever they choose (in certain parts
of the planet at least; in others entertaining this concept
alone could have me incarcerated). [ Or executed! – Ed ]
02
The original reasons for a til-death-do-us-part
twosome have largely been nullified, as have the
expectations surrounding them. The model of the
average household has dispersed and the nuclear
norm is a possibility but not a staple. People are
increasingly independent, self-sustaining and open to
alternative means of loving – one of which is to open
the relationship to the possibility of two becoming
three (or more).
And it makes sense.
Logistically, think of the rent split three ways even if there is a stay-at-home-whatever, it’s still a
double income household. Think of three-ways.
Fullstop. Gone are the worries of boredom, or
obligation. For any activity you’re not in the mood
for right now, there’s a 66% chance that someone
else will be in keen to take one for the team; making
dinner, seeing the family, making sure the kids are
sorted. Worries of sex getting stale are suddenly
moot. Three heads are better than one, so to speak.
Find the right balance and everyone’s happy. All.
The. Time. For any argument there’s a built-in
tiebreaker. For any tear, 4 shoulders. Best of all,
holidays are cheaper the more people there are.
Same thing for bulk cleaning products. It’s almost as
if they want you to diversify.
True, there are cons. A third member in any tribe
means an extra opinion on everything. There’re two
people constantly leaving the toilet seat up, or two to
complain about it. Apartments don’t generally come
with enough cupboard space for one person let
alone more (though diversifying does make clothes
sharing a given), nor are there standard 1-bed 3-bath
options, nor baths the size of swimming pools,
though these are problems a plumber can fix. The
biggest hurdle for most is jealousy (though the earth
requires both moon and sun to keep everything in
orbit.) And perhaps omnisexuality. To that I can only
concede that polyamory isn’t for everyone.
Still, if you can put petty jealousies aside,
brave the (envious) glares of the sanctimonious
soccer moms and embrace the notion of an
expansive lifestyle based on mutual respect and
adoration split three ways – three may just be the
magic number…
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