13
An avalanche of sorrow fell on my shoulders and with that I began to cry. Seeing my tears, “Oh, I thought you knew?” the doctor callously questioned. I couldn’t even believe that there could be anything but encouragement coming from her mouth at a fragile time like this, and I wanted to scream at her “NO! I didn’t know. I didn’t know he had Down syndrome for sure, but now I guess I do…don’t I?” But instead, I maintained my composure and asked for some time alone. The remainder of the appointment is a blur to me, but the reality of Reece’s diagnosis was painfully clear.
A quiet knock, as not to wake the sleeping baby, who was now just a few weeks old. In walked a representative from a local Down syndrome organization, who called to request a visit with us shortly after we received our heartbreaking news.
It took everything within me to accept her invitation as I was walking through a very dark place and struggling with acceptance. She was a kind-hearted soul who had a child with Down syndrome of her own. Finally, someone who really understood what we were going through. She gave us a new parent welcome basket filled with information and gifts, which I am embarrassed to admit, sat in a corner for months before it was even touched.
But it wasn’t the gifts she gave us that stuck with me, it was what she said that turned out to be the most precious gift of all.
“What you’re feeling isn’t good, isn’t bad, it just…is. And if I had a magic wand to wave this all away, I wouldn’t even do it, because you have to experience this heartache, this pain, this sadness to get to a place of true acceptance.”
There it was. Something I didn’t want to hear at the time, but now I look back and know it was exactly what I needed to hear. It went far beyond the “I’m sorry” that most people whispered with best intentions when we told them our news.
In my heart, I knew we were not alone. How many parents had already navigated this path we were beginning to tread?
And now, 19 months into this journey…I can honestly say, if I had a magic wand to wave it all away, I wouldn’t even do it, because I did need to experience that heartache, that pain, and that sadness to get to the place of true acceptance that I find myself in now.
Reece was diagnosed with Down syndrome at birth and Alissa hopes to inspire and encourage other mothers of special needs children through her writing. Click HERE to follow her blog.