Being a new parent is like being a
magnet for everyone’s wanted, and unwanted,
parenting advice. And that can lead to lashings
of guilt. Rather than trying to take account of
everyone’s advice, think about the kind of
parent you want to be. What values do you want to show as a parent? Being caring, loving, playful? How would you hope your children would describe you as a parent when they are adults? Living your values, even it means things aren’t perfect, will be a far more fulfilling experience than criticising yourself for not living up to other people’s ideal of parenting.
Your mind is a tricky customer more likely to focus on criticism than praise. Try to think of it as a know-it-all older sibling who is always telling you what to do. But you don’t always have to listen! Next time your mind says ‘I can’t believe you went back to work/decided to stay at home/put the baby into a nursery’ try unhooking from these thoughts by saying ‘Thanks Mind for the advice, but I don’t need it just now!’. And then remember your values and why you have made the choices that you have. You’ll usually have really good reasons!
Psychologists have long believed that parenting just has to be ‘good enough’ for a child to thrive, not perfect. And perhaps attempting perfect parenting is another unachievable trap. The more time you spend trying to never feel guilty by being perfect, the less likely you are to enjoy connecting and caring for your child. Focus instead on getting present, holding that guilt lightly and reaping the benefits of imperfect parenting!
LIVE YOUR VALUES
UNHOOK FROM YOUR TRICKY MIND
GOOD ENOUGH NOT PERFECT