“I know how badly I’ve behaved,” Larry said softly. “If you’ll give me a chance, I’d
like to make it up to you, Cathy.”
Good God, she thought. She pressed her lips together, willing herself not to cry and
shook her head, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “It’s too late,” she whispered.
And she stood there watching him walk out the door.
Catherine heard from Larry again within the week. He sent flowers with a little note
and, after that, miniature birds from the various countries to which he flew. He had
obviously gone to a great deal of trouble, for there was an astonishing variety, one in
porcelain, one in jade, one in teak, and she was touched that he had remembered.
When the phone rang one day and Catherine heard Larry’s voice on the other end
saying, “Hey, I found a wonderful Greek restaurant that serves the best Chinese food this
side of Peking,” she laughed and said, “I can’t wait.”
And that was when it really began again. Slowly, tentatively, hesitantly, but it was a
beginning. Larry did not attempt to kiss her again, nor would she have let him, because
Catherine knew that if she let go of her emotions, if she gave herself wholeheartedly to
this man she loved, and he betrayed her again, it would destroy her. Finally and forever.
And so she dined with him and laughed with him, but all the time the deep secret personal
part of her lay back in reserve, carefully aloof, untouched and untouchable.
They were together almost every night. Some evenings Catherine cooked dinner at
home, other nights Larry took her out. Once she mentioned the woman that he had said he
was in love with, and he replied tersely, “It’s over,” and Catherine never brought it up
again. She watched closely for signs that Larry was seeing other women, but there were
none. He was totally attentive to her, never pressing, never demanding. It was as though
he were doing a penance for the past.
And yet Catherine admitted to herself that it was something more than that. He really
seemed interested in her as a woman. At night she would stand in front of the mirror,
naked, and examine her reflection and try to figure out why. Her face was not bad, the face
of a once-pretty girl who had gone through pain, a sadness in the solemn gray eyes that
stared back at her. Her skin was a little puffy and her chin was heavier than it should be,
but there was really nothing wrong with the rest of her body that diet and massage could
not take care of. She remembered the last time she had thought about this and had wound
up with her wrists slashed. A shudder went through her. To hell with Larry, she thought
defiantly. If he really wants me, he’ll have to take me as I am.
They had been to a party and Larry had brought her home at four A.M. It had been a
marvelous evening, and Catherine had worn a new dress and looked rather attractive and
made people laugh and Larry had been proud of her. When they walked into the
apartment, Catherine reached for the light switch and Larry put his hand over hers and
said, “Wait. I can say this easier in the dark.” His body was close to hers, not even
touching her, yet she could feel the physical waves that pulled at her.
“I love you, Cathy,” he said. “I’ve never really loved anyone else. I want another