‘‘The Medical Self’’ 59
The head of the medical ICU wanted to write it up, so they in-
vited me to join them. I said, no, that’s fine. I gave them the
references, after they basically couldn’t find any. Why should I
write up my own medical case? There are some cases in literature,
though this is a better one. It may be helpful to others.
Sally pondered the decision, still intrigued by the possibility, recognizing
the value of the endeavor. She based her decision on the fact that other
articles already existed, not the oddness of the situation. Similarly, Ma-
thilde’s husband was asked to present his own case at his departmental
rounds.
The degree to which one saw oneself as ‘‘the other’’ varied over time,
as ailments progressed. With initial symptoms, some looked up their
symptoms in textbooks to help diagnose themselves. Albert, who had an
MI on the highway, checked a reference to learn that his symptoms were
consistent with an MI.
I was driving and started to feel a little indigestion. I started to take
some back roads, and thought maybe I’d stop and grab a glass of milk
somewhere. But the prospects of getting on and off the highway
argued against that. So I just hung tough, and got home, and the
pain, which was mostly mid-upper gastric, changed its nature, and
got a little more intense. It was not relieved by milk at home. The
subscapular region started to bother me. An idea that I might have
some skipping heartbeat problems popped into my mind, and I
was curious because the pain was in my back and scapula region. It
didn’t make sense from what I remembered. So I pulled up my
old medical textbook, and sure enough, cardiac pain can be there.
His thinking process remained that of a scientifically trained clinician
weighing the evidence pro and con. Albert checked references, but re-
sisted the notion that he was experiencing a heart attack—which he had
treated in many patients. He thus delayed responding to it medically as
quickly as possible.
In deciding how to integrate these dual identities, ill physicians con-
fronted concrete questions of whether to check their own lab results,
which might indicate disease progression. Some did so, interpreting their
own lab results and facing their own worst fears unbuffered by the
‘‘framing’’ or objectivity that their physicians could provide. Anne, a Swiss