36 Becoming a Patient
‘‘underground’’ researcher, said, ‘‘To be a patient is suddenly a step down.’’
His diagnosis led him to voice this sense that others felt as well. This
stigma reflects ostracism of the sick more broadly in society, and is of
concern in and of itself, impeding physician readiness to enter this new
role of patient.
Only now did some physicians become more fully aware of the extent
of human fragility. Deborah, the psychiatrist, said, ‘‘When I became a
patient, I realized how vulnerable we all are and that you can get sick.’’
Though she had treated patients for many years in various capacities, it
took her own illness to bring her more completely to this realization.
In sum, as their disease marched on, these physicians engaged in re-
sistance and denial at multiple points, starting with the initial recognition
and integration of symptoms and diagnosis as they struggled to cope. As
we shall see, they came to rely on many tools that they had long used
with others.