300 Interacting with Their Patients
Through these journeys, these doctors became wounded healers, pro-
viders who themselves have suffered in some way (1). Anthropologically,
certain other cultures and psychotherapeutic schemas value this cate-
gory. Western biomedicine generally does not, but their experiences gave
these doctors rare insights and wisdom.
At the same time, though these physicians integrated their profession
into their lives to impressive extents, they did not always do so fully,
as evidenced by their not taking optimal care of their health. Medical
training, while providing strong senses of meaning, gratification, and self-
esteem, did not necessarily alter their own health behavior for the better.
Clearly, changing behavior, particularly health behavior, is enormously
difficult; knowledge, even among medical school graduates, appears in-
sufficient. Conflicting demands and desires—for Big Macs, ‘‘drug hol-
idays,’’ and unsafe sex—linger and have to be overcome. In addition,
medical school teaches professionalism, but not self-care. Perhaps medi-
cal schools should give lectures on caring for one’s own health. Still, it
is unclear exactly what such a course would teach, and how effective it
would be. Despite the adage ‘‘Doctor, heal thyself,’’ many failed to do so.
These doctors raised broader questions, too, about professionalism, and
how it may differ between diverse fields such as law, nursing, and the
clergy. Do lawyers who get sued come to treat clients differently? Surely,
lawyers do not always act ethically or legally—and they may view and
make decisions about such transgressions in ways that both resemble, and
differ from, doctors. A doctor diagnosed with a serious disease must
struggle with fundamental crises of selfhood and soul, in ways that sued
lawyers, though stressed, probably do not. Self-doctoring also has life and
death implications. Compared to other patients I have seen, the force and
bluntness with which these doctors often acknowledged their own mor-
tality impressed me. Many were very matter-of-fact about dying—realistic
and stoic in the fullest senses of the terms, accepting death as a part of life.
Through these narratives, power disparities loomed, about which
these physicians provided unique first-hand perspectives. These doctors
had, and now often lost, clout over patients and family members, caus-
ing stress, and challenges in redefining themselves. As these doctors now
reflected back on the position they once had, they revealed key aspects
of the scope and impact of their power: how it asserted, protected, and
maintained itself. They conveyed its complexity, relativity, and ambigu-
ity. As mentioned, in much of postmodernist and post-Marxist theory