Spark [Robert_Klitzman]_When_Doctors_Become_Patients(Boo | Seite 228

‘‘Being ‘Strong’’’ 217
But I didn’t want to disrupt my life. I wanted to be able to go
across the street to get treatment. So I went to an oncologist whom
I didn’t really respect—who was not very smart. I arranged my
treatment for Friday afternoons, so that I could miss the mini-
mal amount of work, puke over the weekend, and feel better on
Monday to go back to work. I couldn’t write or walk up stairs. But
it was important to me to keep working. If I had treatment at a
better hospital, I probably would’ve had to give up a whole day. It’s
craziness, but worked for me. It was therapeutic, kept me sane,
and protected me from being depressed.
Jessica’s decision to receive treatment at a hospital of lesser quality
stemmed in part from masochism and low self-esteem. Her determina-
tion served her well professionally and in some ways psychologically, but
threatened to exact high health costs. She suggests how she sharply sep-
arated her illness and work identity.
On the other hand, illness led some to work less. Disease prompted a
few doctors to become less obsessive and guilty about their jobs. Their
surprise at the benefits of this change illuminated the extent of their prior
beliefs. Bradley, for example, was treated for depression after his MI, and
subsequently altered his values:
I’ve become more relaxed. I can get up and walk home, and leave
a mess here—much more than I used to. My capacity to absorb
unfinished business has been much better. I do not feel guilty about
it. In the past, my Protestant work ethic didn’t let me leave loose
ends.
Only illness compelled Bradley to change.
These alterations in demeanor can reflect deeper shifts in personality
and behavior, and reassessments of priorities and values. Such alterations
may become visible only when physicians confront such intense stress.
Frank, the surgeon whose MI occurred in the OR, reported that after his
illness, his personality changed.
I was very quick-tempered and temperamental, and didn’t hold
back. If I felt angry, I screamed. Once in a while, I was almost
irrational—too angry, considering the event. The yearly resident
show imitates me in the OR, as quick-tempered, furious—rage
reactions. But I used to pull that more. That’s how I got an MI: I got
furious in an emergency situation. I pushed a patient into the OR