‘‘Being ‘Strong’’’ 215
Socially awkward physicians could hide behind a professional cloak, and
interact with others as ‘‘doctors’’—rather than merely as ‘‘human beings.’’
Physicians who used their profession to avoid intimate responsibilities
had an excuse that could not be readily challenged. Eleanor said about
her husband:
It made it really easy for him to avoid dealing with interpersonal
relationships. It sounds so socially acceptable: ‘‘I have to see my
patients.’’ What’s the response? ‘‘Let them drop dead’’? It left me
with a very strange sense of where I figured in his hierarchy.
Workaholism Post-diagnosis
Illness can either increase or decrease ambition and drive. On the one
hand, several of these doctors went to extraordinary lengths to continue
to work and remain responsible, even after getting sick. Jim, the drug
company researcher with leukemia, bought a cell phone only when he
was admitted to the hospital. There, he also hooked up his laptop.
I never had a cell phone before, so I arranged to get one at that
point, because I was going into the hospital. I gave everybody the
number so that they could reach me if they couldn’t get me on the
hospital phone. I brought in my computer and had it hooked up to
the phone.
As a result of illness, some worked harder, feeling more committed
and deriving maximal meaning from their professional endeavors. Indeed,
some felt more committed because they were ill. They worked harder
now because they identified more with their patients. If they were health-
ier, several of these doctors thought they might opt for easier practices.
Stuart said:
I might have been more willing to walk away from my practice, or
say, ‘‘I can do this in the suburbs.’’ Life would be easier. I could
be caring for healthier people.
Stuart’s perception of other practices may have partly been fantasy, but
nonetheless reflected his sense of commitment.
Post-diagnosis, keeping busy helped doctors avoid thinking about
their illness. Deborah, the psychiatrist with metastatic breast cancer, said
that maintaining her interests, friends, and family permitted her to think