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I never dealt with ‘I’m vomiting. My hair is falling out.’ ’’ Her external self-
portrayal reflected, in part, her ambivalence. She maintained ‘‘a perma-
nent core—a fear of dying, sadness—somewhere,’’ but did not integrate
these fears and disappointments with the rest of her daily life.
Views may differ as to whether a particular individual’s denial is good
or bad. As we shall see, one’s minimization can potentially be both good
and bad—helpful in certain ways, but harmful in others.
Influencing the Odds Through Magic
Despite their scientific training, many of these ill doctors indulged more
overtly and explicitly in superstitious or magical thinking, believing they
could alter their fate—occasionally indulging in even more dangerous
forms of denial. As suggested earlier, doctors often believed they were
invulnerable to disease. Pseudoscience could bolster their sense that they
were inherently lucky or invulnerable.
Magical thinking arose concerning not only prognoses but also the eti-
ologies or causes of disease. Jim, the drug company researcher, was usually
very scientific, but was superstitious about the cause of his lymphoma:
a fortune cookie may have precipitated it.
I was cleaning out my night table, and came across a fortune from a
Chinese restaurant fortune cookie. I had thrown it in there shortly
before I got sick. It read, ‘‘You will soon be crossing the great wa-
ters,’’ which I now understand is an expression for passing into the
next world. I had assumed it meant: you’re going to be taking some
big trip. I tore it into little pieces, and thought: I’m through with
this now! This has been sitting next to my head for two years, and
now I’m getting rid of it, and feeling better because I’m getting rid
of it. Here is the source of what’s happening to me. This has been
causing my lymphoma! I shouldn’t have kept it.
Others drew on folk beliefs and old wives’ tales. Anne found herself
thinking about cultural beliefs with which she had grown up in rural
Switzerland: that if you eat a piece of fruit on the first day of spring, it
will bring you good luck for the year. Since her diagnosis, she has made a
point of eating a fresh plum each year on that day. As a scientist, she
realized that this act probably