“Will you read to me?”
I nodded, though I didn’t know whether I’d be able to make it through the next page
without breaking down.
Please, Lord, tell me what to do!
“Mom?” I said later that night.
“Yes?”
We were sitting on the sofa in the den, the fire blazing before us. Earlier in the day
Jamie had fallen asleep while I read to her, and knowing she needed her rest, I slipped out
of her room. But before I did, I kissed her gently on the cheek. It was harmless, but
Hegbert had walked in as I’d done so, and I had seen the conflicting emotions in his eyes.
He looked at me, knowing that I loved his daughter but also knowing that I’d broken one
of the rules of his house, even an unspoken one. Had she been well, I know he would
never have allowed me back inside. As it was, I showed myself to the door.
I couldn’t blame him, not really. I found that spending time with Jamie sapped me of
the energy to feel hurt by his demeanor. If Jamie had taught me anything over these last
few months, she’d shown me that actions—not thoughts or intentions—were the way to
judge others, and I knew that Hegbert would allow me in the following day. I was thinking
about all this as I sat next to my mother on the sofa.
“Do you think we have a purpose in life?” I asked.
It was the first time I’d asked her such a question, but these were unusual times.
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking,” she said, frowning.
“I mean—how do you know what you’re supposed to do?”
“Are you asking me about spending time with Jamie?”
I nodded, though I was still confused. “Sort of. I know I’m doing the right thing, but
… something’s missing. I spend time with her and we talk and read the Bible, but …”
I paused, and my mother finished my thought for me.
“You think you should be doing more?”
I nodded.
“I don’t know that there’s anything more you can do, sweetheart,” she said gently.
“Then why do I feel the