CHAPTER ONE
“Excellent, Dudley,” said Uncle Vernon. Then he rounded on
Harry. “And you?”
“I’ll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I’m not
there,” said Harry tonelessly.
“Exactly,” said Uncle Vernon nastily. “I will lead them into the
lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them drinks. At eight-
fifteen —”
“I’ll announce dinner,” said Aunt Petunia.
“And, Dudley, you’ll say —”
“May I take you through to the dining room, Mrs. Mason?” said
Dudley, offering his fat arm to an invisible woman.
“My perfect little gentleman!” sniffed Aunt Petunia.
“And you?” said Uncle Vernon viciously to Harry.
“I’ll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I’m not
there,” said Harry dully.
“Precisely. Now, we should aim to get in a few good compli-
ments at dinner. Petunia, any ideas?”
“Vernon tells me you’re a wonderful golfer, Mr. Mason. . . . Do
tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs. Mason. . . .”
“Perfect . . . Dudley?”
“How about — ‘We had to write an essay about our hero at
school, Mr. Mason, and I wrote about you.’ ”
This was too much for both Aunt Petunia and Harry. Aunt Petu-
nia burst into tears and hugged her son, while Harry ducked under
the table so they wouldn’t see him laughing.
“And you, boy?”
Harry fought to keep his face straight as he emerged.
“I’ll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I’m not
there,” he said.
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