Sonder: Youth Mental Health Stories of Struggle & Strength | Page 56

Let it Flow
By Wyatt Lehr
Life can be strenuous with a mood disorder. Before I entered high school I
learned people change and not everyone will live forever. The first turn of
events that led to me being diagnosed with depression is when my Papa
from my mom’s side of the family was hospitalized for having stomach
pains. His kidneys were failing, and his condition was further complicated
by the fact that he was 520 pounds. Over the course of a week he was in a
drug induced coma and later in an irreversible coma. My Nana was the one
who would ultimately decide whether or not to discontinue life support.
She found his living will stating he would rather die with dignity than be
supported by machinery. My mom left home during the middle of the week
to be with her siblings and mom as they let Papa go to heaven. I tried to
hold in the pain of losing him.
It was about five years after my grandpa passed away when the second
tragedy happened. It started off as a normal day:get up, go to school, come
home and get ready for cross country practice. When I got home from
school my mom and step-dad took me into their bedroom. They explained
that during the middle of my seemingly average day, my friend, who had
lived across the street, had committed suicide. His death, ironically, marked
the day known as Suicide Prevention Day. I had known him since we moved
to town because his older brother was a friend of the family. We had played
video games together and were close for a while before I started pushing
him away because of our different interests. I was shocked, asking myself
“what happened” and wondering how this would effect my life forever,
never being able to see my once close friend again.
There was no pain at first, just shock. It crept up on me later that same day.
It felt like my once happy world had blacked out and left me nothing but a
mental scar that is always painful. Still stunned I rushed off to practice for
cross country. That day was a hard workout. I hurried out of the car, looking
back at my mom who had tears streaming down her face and I finally lost
it. I wept over the loss of my friend, thinking I could hold my emotions
in, standing before a group of people I had come to know as family. The
54  Depression