Pain
By Tristan
When I was growing up, I began thinking why I would like the idea of pain. Pain I believe was what everyone feared about, but me, I think I drifted to it, I had a need to feel pain, any type of pain. It was like a craving that I needed to keep feeding. I would inflict pain on myself. Just to see if I could feel it. Was something wrong with me? Did I have no real feelings? Feelings such as Love, sadness, anger, and happiness. Any of those, others had them so why didn ' t I. People would look at me weirdly, I know who would want to be around the weird kid. No one was there for me. I was alone in the big bad world by myself. I know if you saw me in person, you would think ẅhat is she / he talking about, she / he doesn ' t seem to be that type of person, she / he looks happy”. But that is the thing; I hide behind the walls I built in order to keep people questioning me about myself. I would keep to myself for the longest time and not open up to anyone. No matter how hard they had tried. I think the reason I love the idea of pain is probably because of what I had been through while growing up, I gave people my heart and trust and they just ended up hurting me more and breaking me down to the point where pain is the only thing I felt. I won ́t open myself like that ever again, after that happened I made a promise to myself. So for the longest time, I would not put myself out there and even try to move past what happened to me. But that was until I found people that made me believe more in myself than in the idea of pain. I had my family there for me too. They just never saw what I would hide from them, but that is the thing that when you won’ t let people in for you to talk to, or just be there for you. You are just hurting yourself more, you need to know that there are people out there willing to make you feel better in your skin, make you love yourself. I know im not a perfect person, but no one is perfect, I want people to know that I found a reason to be me, and a reason to start over new. And you got to believe that will happen to you too, don ' t pull the negative out of everything and only think about that. ●
Resilience 91