are. They just don’ t get it.
5. Your Life Has Become All About You
When you keep compromising, eventually you craft a life that is almost entirely self-centered. And that’ s the opposite of who you know you should be. Any value system worth having is focused on others, not self. The problem, of course, is that people take time, attention, and love. And you don’ t have time or energy for that. Not anymore.
If it’ s all about you, you’ ve done more than rent your soul. Perhaps you’ ve moved into a long-term lease.
Nobody Will Ever Pay You to Fix This
When you think about how behavioral dynamics work, it’ s no surprise that compromise is so easy.
First, as Paul so brilliantly chronicled in the book of Romans, compromise is a staple of the human condition. We have a natural inclination toward it. Second, pretty much nobody is ever going to ask you to develop your character. Maybe your spouse will, but that’ s about it. Will other people address it? Maybe, but not from the perspective of encouragement.
Instead, they’ ll just penalize you if you don’ t. They’ ll fire you, drop you as a friend, or divorce you. Rarely will anyone encourage you to work on your character proactively.
Contrast that with your competency. People will push you to develop your competency. Your parents likely pushed you to get an education. Competency is so highly valued in our culture that people will often pay you to improve your skill set. Your employer will cover the costs for you to go to a conference or take the training courses you need, or perhaps even fund the tuition for your next degree.
Plus, competency is fun. Who doesn’ t want to learn a new skill or develop a talent? Devouring a book, listening to a podcast, or taking an online class can be really stimulating. You tend to see tangible results. That skill you picked up is something you can implement this month. That hack you learned has an immediate payoff.
But who’ s pushing you to be a better you? Who’ s speaking into your life to point out those deep-seated character issues that need to be worked on? Right, cue the silence.
Often, there are only a few people. Worse, maybe there’ s nobody.
30 • Solutions