to guard the hearts of our friends and
find tender ways to share news that we
know might cause damage to a friend
whom we love. Surely the friendship
is more significant than the news
we’re dying to share. Let’s keep living
Christ’s challenge to die to ourselves,
even in our moments of deepest
accomplishment and grandest
success. Let’s die to the temptation
to flash our news around like giddy
children who don’t know any better.
3. Dare to Encourage Instead of
Compare. There is power in speaking
words of blessing and encouragement
over someone else. Proverbs says,
“The power of the tongue is life and
death—those who love to talk will
eat what it produces” (18:21, ISV). A
vivid picture—the words we speak
will either be the hearty, healthy food
that satisfies or the empty junk food
that leaves us feeling bloated and
dissatisfied.
Start small and watch it snowball. List
the one thing you love most about your
friend. Then write down the ways her
opportunity or new job or new baby
or new book or raise or song adds
blessing to your own life. Do they offer
you hospitality or a safe place for your
small group to meet? Do they offer you
a chance to hold a tiny package of
fresh life in your arms that reminds you
Jesus is in the business of making all
things new? Or do they offer words to
read or listen to or pass on that pour life
into your tired ears? Now, go find your
friend. E-mail or call or meet for coffee
and let her know. Let her know the
specific ways that this unique moment
in time in her life is a blessing to you.
Bless her back with your words and
your encouragement. Say the words
even if you don’t feel the feelings yet.
Speaking all the ways that your
40 Solutions
friend encourages you, through her
one-of-a-kind way of living out the
purpose God’s put on her life, will
fill up your hungry spaces with the
satisfaction of truth instead of the bitter
crusts of comparison.
Lisa-Jo Baker has been the community
manager for incourage.me, an online
home for women all over the world, for
nearly a decade. She is also the author
of Surprised by Motherhood, and her
writings have been syndicated from
New Zealand to New York. She lives
just outside Washington, DC, with her
husband and 3 very loud kids, where
she connects, encourages and cham-
pions women in person and through
her popular blog, lisajobaker.com.
Adapted excerpt from Never Unfriended: The Secret
to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships by Lisa-
Jo Baker, Community Manager for (in)courage, with
permission from B&H Books. Copyright 2017.