In 2014 my dad died of ALS , also known as Lou Gehrig ’ s disease . What the disease did to his body is very difficult to describe if you have not personally witnessed it .
What it did to his relationships was even worse . A pattern of my dad ’ s verbal abuse and threats toward my mom resulted in my dad leaving my mom , and living on his own , for a period of months . He refused all of our attempts to arrange a place for him to live close by so we could help care for him . And when we would pay for someone to come and care for him , he would find a reason to fire them every time . These dark months included repeated threats from my dad toward us and himself — and a downward spiral that made me wonder whether we might end up killing him before the disease did . I say that humorously , obviously , but hopefully the exaggeration underscores how dismal our hopes of reconciliation were .
The turning point , as I now see it , came when my dad ’ s health had deteriorated to the point that he was no longer dangerous to my mom . She made the decision to convince him ( and allow him ) to come back and live with her so that she could care for him in his final days . The process was slow , and I ’ m not saying everything healed perfectly . However , I can say that our family was able to experience the last several months of my dad ’ s life to ¬ gether . It wasn ’ t always pretty , but we were able to be by his side until — and through — the very end . Actually , some of those moments toward the end proved to be the most memorable and beautiful of my life . One in particular I ’ ll never forget .
32 Solutions
On that weekend I had preached my sermon at our Saturday night service and then preached it again for our 9:30 a . m . service on Sunday . Normally I would have preached it one last time at 11:30 a . m ., but something told me not to stay for the 11:30 service . I instructed the team to play back the video of my sermon for the different locations where our church meets . Then I left in my car . I didn ’ t know where I was going . At first I headed toward my house , but while I was en route , something told me to go to my parents ’ home instead , which was only a few miles from my own .
When I got there , my dad was pulling up the 11:30 worship experience online to watch in his bed . He had long since passed the point of being able to come to church , but he never missed a sermon on his iPad , which my mom had rigged to the side of his bed where he could mostly control it . He was confused when I walked in . “ Wait , if you ’ re here . . . Who ’ s preaching ?” he asked . “ I am .” “ But you ’ re here .” I said , “ They ’ re going to play the video . I ’ m going to watch it with you .” I sat on the bed by my dad and watched myself preach . It was a little awkward but mostly very special . There had been a point during our relational standoff where he gave me an ultimatum in anger .
“ If you really cared about me , you would cancel one of your preaching engagements and come spend time with me .”
I remembered him having said that as I was leaving that day , and as he was giving me a few pointers ,